The Death Clock

As if I wasn't depressed enough today, I found this on the web.

The Death Clock - When am I going to die?

My death date is Thursday, January 6, 2050 :'(

An Island

I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.

Failure as a mother

Within a matter of an hour, one person called me a "lazy mother", then another said I'm "impatient". And then a third comment pretty much said I'm an incompetent mother. Let me just go die somewhere.

A bad day

I’ve started defining my days as “Good Days” and “Bad Days” now. Today is a bad day for me. I can’t stop thinking about you today. When I think about you nowadays, I think of your eyes first. What were you trying to tell us? Those big, brown eyes staring at us from the sunken face. You wanted to go home so desperately. You had lost your voice by the time I got there. You still asked to go home everyday. Did you know the end was near? Did you want to see all your familiar things one last time? You used to get so mad when the guys came to clean your bandages. Did it hurt a lot? Did it hurt when they cleaned inside your throat? What did you think all those time when you used to stare out the window? Did you think of things you hadn’t experienced? Did you have any regrets? Did you want to have one proper meal for a change? Did you want to tell us something before you let out your last breath?
I have so many things to tell you. So many things I want to ask you. You didn’t get a chance to meet Zoya. You didn’t have time to enjoy your retirement. You didn’t get to see Lizu get married. Why did you have to leave so early!

How many times?

How many times can your heart shatter into million pieces?? Can you pick up all the pieces and join them together with love? Does it make your heart whole again? Or do you lose a tiny little piece of your heart forever?