Daily Musings 7/7/2020

Books I am reading:

How to be an Antiracist
https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Antiracist-Ibram-Kendi/dp/0525509283/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2NTOW23D3HL0B&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+bean+antiracist+by+ibram+x.+kendi&qid=1594141431&sprefix=how+to+be+an+%2Caps%2C144&sr=8-1

American Dirt
https://www.amazon.com/American-Dirt-Novel-Jeanine-Cummins-ebook/dp/B07QQLCZY1/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=american+dirt&qid=1594141492&sr=8-1

Movies/TV Shows:

My Lovely Sam Soon

Highlight of the day:

I went to the post office for the first time since March I think! Plastic barriers between postal workers and customers ofcourse. Everyone kept their distances and wore masks. I was happy with my experience. 

Weekend Frolickings

Our local shopping center opened a Coffee shop and we have been meaning to take the kids there to see how they behave! So on Saturday morning, put some coloring books, crayons, books etc in a bag and took the kids there! They LOVED it and were content to sit there on the couch/rug and color! At one point, Zoya was laying on the couch with her feet propped on the back of the couch, eating her apple! Looked very comfy! :-)

Then we went back home, filled up the small backyard pool/slide combo my sister sent for the kids and let them play in there for a while. We have had trouble with getting Zoya into the pool in the past, cause she thinks the pool is just an extension of the bathtub and wants to take off ALL her clothes when she gets to the pool! So when we saw that she was happily playing in the small pool, we decided to take the kids to the community pool. She just jumped right into the pool and never came out! She was in 2.5 feet of water, floating holding one of those foam noodle thingy! Raffae has been going to the pool for the past two years and still can't float! She is just such an daredevil! I should also mention that she was wearing a mickey mouse swimming trunk and nothing else. So a lot of people thought she was a boy! :-P I couldn't get her to wear any of the pink/yellow girls swim suits!!!!!! So I got her the trunk thinking she would probably wear this since she loves Mickey Mouse. Now she refuses to wear anything else, even a top! LOL

I then went to a co-worker's wedding reception which was fun, cause I got to dress up and all my non-desi co-workers were completely at awe at my saree!!!!!!!! I am such an attention hogger!

On Sunday, we got up late and went to a birthday lunch party. Within two minutes of arriving there, Zoya got hit on her nose by a frisbee! It was ugly! There was blood everywhere and I had to spend the rest of the time there, trying to placate her! I was just glad her nose was ok!

So didn't do anything this weekend as far as laundry, cooking etc is concerned but did have loads of fun and the weekend just ended way too quickly!

2007 in pictures

I meant to put this post up on December 31st. Raffae got sick and we also planned a last minute New Years Eve party, so I never got to finish this post ontime. Nonetheless, here are highlights of the clan from 2007.

• Raffae and Zoya made new friends






• I met up with friends: old and new.





• Zoya grew an insatiable appetite for apples!





• Raffae's accomplishments:




• Did loads of stuff with the kids




• We traveled to visit family and new places




• Had good food!!!




• It was GREAT to have my mom here with us!

To all the important people in my life, wishing you a wonderful year ahead.

Reality bites

No matter how grown up I act/am, when it comes to my family, specially my “chacha”s, I still feel like a little girl. I grew up in a joint family, indulged by my uncles and aunts. They are an intricate part of my life, of who I am. I’ve been out of Bangladesh for a long time now and over time I feel like my ties have somewhat loosened with them. Then I see a picture or receive an email from one of them and I just want to throw all my responsibilities away and go sit on their laps just like I used to when I was a little girl and let them tell me that they will be there forever to take care of me, nothing bad will ever happen to me because they will be there to slay the monsters for me.

My Chacha has been sick for some time. I received some pictures from my cousin today. Chachchu looks soooo frail in the pictures. The pictures turned me into a complete emotional wreck today. Life sucks.

The Awful Truth

I went to the doctor last week. The assistant who came to check my pulse, blood pressure etc asked how tall I was and I said 5’2”. She looked at me and said lets measure you. I stepped under the measurement tape with a little smirk on my face. Then she said “Well, you are actually 5’ 1.5”. I guess you always round it up.”

Three things:
1) I swear on my kids I don’t remember rounding it up! My sister and I used to measure ourselves a lot growing up to see who is taller. We were always just about the same height and she always wanted to claim that she was taller. (She still is not btw). I know I am 5’ 2”
2) What does it matter even if I am .5” shorter? How does that affect my health?!
3) I guess I lied to Tanveer also. Baby, I am .5” shorter. Is that ok with you?

Amazingly I speak English even though I am brown skinned!!!!!!!!

As I was getting into my car this morning, a school bus came and stopped right behind me. The driver, an older white woman, slid open the window, said “Excuse me”. As I turned towards her, she looked at me, hesitated for 5 seconds (She really did, it was quite obvious) and then asked me “Do you speak English?”!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was leaving for work. I was dressed appropriately for work. I had my laptop bag on my shoulder. There was no way I could have been mistaken as a maid or a nanny or whatever else she thinks brown skin people do.

At the time I thought it was quite hilarious! She wanted to know where the Elementary school was. I gave her directions and we were both on our way. Then I started thinking about it and got more and more upset! I should have told her, “No, I don’t speak English” and driven away. I’ve had people tell me numerous times that my English is perfect or I speak English well! You know what?! I hate that too. Just because I am brown I am supposed to talk with an accent?! Arrrgggghhh!!

I know I am just ranting! Now let me go back to my work where I should get paid more since I have this amazing ability of speaking English even though I am brown.

Creepy Helicopters

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and couldn’t sleep anymore. So I thought I’d get to work early and maybe put a dent on my to-do list. Well, traffic was worse than usual which is saying a lot as you might or might not know that DC area has the second worst traffic in US!! Heard on the radio that there was an accident ahead of me, which explained the traffic jam. As I neared the accident scene, I saw two news channel helicopters hovering over the accident area. That just creeps me out. Does it bother anyone else!? They make me think of vultures somehow! I see those helicopters a lot during my rush hour commute since all the news channels are now into "bringing you real-time traffic news". I just can’t get used to them somehow! I think because when I see them, I know there is something bad going on, and that translates to my dislike of them. Needless to say, despite my efforts, I still got to work late and now I am dragging since I woke up so early today! I just can’t win!

My life

My social life has seen quite a drastic change in the last couple of weeks. Couple of weeks ago, I went to have lunch with two of my friends. We went to a really cozy place called "Cafe Hon"!! The food was really really good. We then ended up in an open call for a movie audition! One of my friends knew the people in charge and we watched people auditioning for parts in the movie. It was hilarious to watch people say their lines. Almost like American Idol where people really believe that they can sing, but really don't have any talents.

Then last night, Tanveer and I went to watch a Violin Concert at the Library of Congress which was really awsome. We them met up with couple of friends and went to a lounge to hang out. I had the most decadent chocolate cake there!

Tonight my brother in law and his fiance are coming over and we might go out to watch a movie. My social life has not seen these many events in a month in a long, long, long time! Could I really be getting my life back??? We are trying to make some changes to our lives and this was one of the things we wanted back desparately: to be able to go out and have some time to ourselves without the kids, enjoy adult company without feeling guilty about it! Lets hope we can keep it up.

Bored and brain dead at work

Katie literally read my mind when she wrote up this post. I don’t know what the reason is behind my blog anymore. I read back some of my old posts and it all reads like mindless ramblings, hence the new description on the blog! I haven’t seen much comments from readers recently either. What an attention craving blogger to do??!! Come on guys! I need some support, even if it is not 100% honest! Alright, how about if I make my blog sort of interactive? Ok here we go:

So here are the main themes of some of the things I am thinking about writing in the next couple of posts. Tanveer attacked by a shopping cart in Target. Zoya on American Idol. Making changes to our lives. Which one do you want to know about?? Leave a comment and I’ll oblige accordingly in my later posts.

Stressed out

I’m so so restless. Things are up in the air - both at work and in our personal lives. We are trying to make some big changes to our personal lives. Can’t make a lot of decisions until work situations sort themselves out. And then there’s potty training! I am about to give up hope on Rafffae ever being potty trained! I think he has decided to go to elementary school in diapers! Nothing is working. We have tried anything and everything we can think of and people told us to do. As a last resort, I took away his diapers yesterday. I declared that he will only wear diaper when he goes to pre-school twice a week. I had a long conversation with him about what to do. Then, later in the evening …… well, lets just say I am thankful that I have hardwood floors and not carpet in my house. Any other suggestions from moms out there?

Different faces of grief

My mom has been depressed for the past two weeks. She misses Bangladesh, she misses my dad, she misses being able to pick up the phone and calling up her friends, she misses taking a rickshaw and going over to visit her family and friends. I've been trying everything I can think of to cheer her up. It's just not working. I am now getting depressed seeing her sad all the time. I miss my dad too, but I feel like I can’t really express my feelings to her because then it will make her even sadder than she already is. How do you make the pain of losing someway go away? It’s been a year and a half almost and I still feel the pain as raw and violently as I did the day he passed away. I can't even imagine what she feels like. I find myself trying to work longer hours so that I don’t have to go home and see my mom’s sad face. I feel horrible.

Keeping warm on this cold, cold day .....

with love! Today is my birthday. I am a big sucker for birthdays. I thought this year there won't be any celebration as hubby is out of town. To my surprise, my co-workers got me a cake. A lot of people called to wish me a happy birthday, some even from Bangladesh! And then when I got home, I was greeted with a card and a smile from Raffae. My mom helped him make the card. She said she had told Raffae that today is Mommy's birthday and he has been saying "Mommy happy Birthday, candle on cake" all day!! She had asked me to bring a small cake on my way home, which I did. We put a candle on the cake, cut it and then Raffae blew the candle off. Then my mom brought out the special dishes she had made for me!! I am so very blessed to have such loving family and friends.

Happy tears

I don't remember how I got to her blog, but I have already spent quite some time on it today and will read all her posts tonight. This one in particular, brought tears to my eyes.

Need a lifestyle change

I have been worried about my health in general recently. With two kids back to back, I have put on some weight and have been carrying it around with me for the past three years! My family has all kinds of nasty history of Heart Diseases, Cancer, Diabetes, Glucoma, Arthritis…basically you name it and someone in the family has it! I keep thinking I need to start going to the gym regularly and get this extra 25 pounds off of me. I keep telling myself I need to start eating healthier, but forget that as soon as I see the chocolate cake in the cafeteria. I’ve become increasingly depressed, worried in the last month or so about my health. I need to go get my annual check up done and I think my sixth sense is telling me that this year, I’m going to get some bad news. If I had to bet, I’d put my money on high cholesterol. Of course, I’m putting off making that appointment. Then I got a wake up call yesterday. Someone whom I knew in Bangladesh died of heart attack last week. He was my classmate.

An Island

I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.

Tidbits and others

I’ve been writing my posts in my head for the past couple of weeks! I keep thinking I am going to go home and write this idea down, but once I get home, I am busy playing with the kids or cleaning or cooking etc. So I decided to just write it all out today at work!!! Hehehehe. It’s Friday and I have been working extra hard last couple of weeks! I can play hookie for a little bit! So this post is going to be random thoughts, ideas, information, thrown together at the whim of the creator!

Speaking of creator, I was listening to an interview on NPR. They were talking about going to the moon to look for early earth rocks containing signs of life! I know crazy idea, but they had some valid arguments! You can listen to it here if you are interested. Anyways, listening to this, I experienced a moment of sheer panic! I was thinking what if in my lifetime, we find some intelligent life in some distant corner (or not so distant) of the universe??!! I literally felt chills going up and down my spine! What a scary yet exciting moment would that be! I am not a trekki, but I have seen enough Star Trek to color my imagination! I think I’d rather find some sort of “dumb bugs” on some other planet than some form of intelligent life!!!!!!!!! Which in turn made me think why do I feel the need to be superior to some other species?! What gives me the right to feel so proud of being the only known form of life in this whole big universe?! We are nothing but a grain of sand compared to the vastness of the universe! Now that is a scary thought! There’s got to be someone somewhere sitting there, looking at us, laughing his/her head off at our stupidity in thinking that we are intelligent enough to create, invent, discover all there is on this earth. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I am really freaking out thinking about this! Let me think about something else!

Lets talk about Zoya now. BIG NEWS! She is talking! She has about 4/5 distinguishable words now! She says “Hi”, “Mama”, “Papa”, “Bebe” (baby), “shee” (shoe). She definitely understands a lot more. If we say “Lets go”, she runs to the front door and stands there with her hand on the doorknob, looking at us, with a smile on her face! If I say “Pani Khabe? (Do you want a drink?), she will look at the kitchen counter and look for her sippy cup. When we say “night night Zoya”, she will run to the stairs and start climbing! I can’t tell you what a big relief that is to us that she is finally talking! She loves looking at books. She loves playing with her mega blocks too.

Raffae has become a constant source of chatter in the house!!!!!!!!!! :-D Right now he is learning that Papa and Raffae are boys and mommy and Zoya are girls! Every now and then he forgets and says “papa is a girl” or “mommy is a boy”! He has become a BIG computer hogger! He can spend literally hours on the computer! I was working from home one day last week and he wanted to sit at the table with mommy. He played for 2.5 hours straight! Is there any study out there that’s going to make me into a criminal for letting a 2.75 year old play online for that long?! :-P He says “Bess You mommy/papa/nanu/zoya” when we sneeze. He even says “Bess you Raffae” when he sneezes! Hahahaha. He passes gas and says “scuse me” with a naughty look on his face! He is becoming much better at sharing toys and stuff with Zoya.

Work is becoming more and more stressful! I’ve been feeling completely drained lately. By the time I get home, I am just sooooooo exhausted mentally that I don’t feel like doing anything. I just play with the kids for a little bit, give them dinner, get them ready for the bed and then hit the bed myself! This means, I’ve been piling up house chores! Yikes! My sister and her hubby are coming to visit us next week! I’ll be doing lots of cleaning and tidying up this weekend!

Planning to watch “Da Vinci Code” tonight. I was telling Tanveer that I wanted to read the book before watching the movie. He brought up a good point. He said the movie obviously is not going to be as great as the book. He doesn’t want all the details of the book fresh in his mind when he goes to watch the movie! Smart man!

I feel like taking up knitting. I know the basics. My mom is a knitting wiz. I remember seeing the needles dancing away effortlessly in her hands as she would be watching tv or reading a book! She made sweaters, shawls, caps, gloves, scarves for everyone in the extended family every winter! I think I need to have a chat with her.

Speaking of mom, we had a wonderful Mother’s Day Brunch with all the moms and daughters in the family. Here’s a picture of Zoya and her cousin Priya at the brunch. My brother-in-law commented seeing this picture that he can just picture these two sitting like this and talking about boys in less than 12 years! Yikes!

This day really needs to get better!

I flew out to Chicago again today. I took a 6:20 am flight which means I had to get up at 3:30 am! Well, I didn't get to bed till about 12:18 am last night cause both the kids woke up and we just couldn't get them down! So I am sleep deprived and my brain is not quite at the functioning level! I get out of the plane and don't see my co-worker. Usually we just meet up when we get to Chicago as we both try to nap on the plane to make up for the rude 3:30 wake up call! So after waiting for some time, I thought I might have missed him and I start walking towards Potbelly where we normally have breakfast. He isn't there either. Hmmm... Ok, I thought I'd just have breakfast and see if he shows up or what! In the middle of my breakfast, he calls me! He is not coming to Chicago till TOMORROW morning! He sent out an email over the weekend to our manager, but forgot to cc me on it! Ok, not a problem I said. I'll work with one of the contractors today. Oh wait, he says, ummm .... he (the contractor) is not going to be in Chicago till tomorrow either! Great! I am in Chicago, with nothing to do, but I still need to sit here till about 5:00! Just awsome!

I get out of the airport. It's windy as hell AND raining! Cab ride to work is slow. The fare is usually about $24/$25 and I had $30 out. I didn't realize that the meter was reading $29.65!! Before I could get any more money out, the cabbie starts yelling at me for not tipping him enough! I hastily took some more money out of my purse (standing in rain), gave it to him and asked him to pop the trunk so I could take my suitcase out. He says it's open, but I can't open it to save my life! (Standing in rain, don't forget!) After about half a minute, the trunk actually pops open. I get my suitcase out, spilling my coffee all over it! By this time, my new hair do it all drenched in rain! (I chopped my hair off this weekend. It's about ear length now. Will upload a pic on a good hair day)

Alright, so I manage to get into the office, set up my computer and call in for a weekly status meeting. Since my co-worker is not here, I guess I am the automatic representative for my team and when they called on me for status, I am raking my brain to find something intelligent! My first moment in the spotlight and I bungle it! Woohoo! Things can't get any worse! It will only get better.

After two back to back meetings, I go to the bathroom and my trouser button pops and one of the hooks is coming loose! I can't quite blame them! My bludder can only stretch/hold so much and it has been stretched to the limit today because of the 2.5 hour long meetings! I am just miserable by this time and I decide to have early lunch! ( Read: drown my sorrows with food! Dangerous habit!)

I feel like a roast beef sandwich. Here I am, ten minutes later, typing away at the computer, with my roast beef sandwich unwrapped next to me. Untouched. The meat is bright red! I feel like if I look away for a second, the sandwich would go "moooooooo"!!!! I am debating whether I want to eat it or not. It's definitely going to give me an upset stomach, whether I eat the meat or take it out! I just know it.....

Food Poisoning?! Heat Stroke? Migrane?

It's been nagging me that I haven't updated my blog for quite some time now. I figured what better time to update than when I am awake at 4:00 in the morning with my stomach churning while the rest of the world sleeps in peace?! :-P I've been busy. With this and that and what not. Today was my first day at FM. Loads of information was provided at Orientation. Hmmmm... I'm thinking whether I want to make you guys green with jealousy, since I am feeling quite green myself at the moment! Hold on.... while I make a quick visit to the bathroom.....

Alright, back for the time being. Here are couple of benefits I am excited about besides all the regular ones:
1) Assistance for buying a house (up to 7%). If I stay with FM for 5 years, the loan is forgiven! :-D (The 7%, not the mortgage!)
2) Flex hours. FM requires employees to be on premise from 10:00-3:00 and then I can do the rest of the 7.5 hours (yes you read it right, 7.5 hours, not 8!!) however I wish.
3) $250 per eye for Laser Vision Correction! I am not sure though if I am ready to part ways with my glasses. We've been together for ages!!

Alright I'll stop now. Other updates:

• My mom is here!!


• I finished reading "The Twentieth Wife". While it was a good read, it left me with an unsatisfied feeling. Lets put it this way: I am in no rush to read the sequel.


• My sil moved her twins bday party to the following weekend. We are thinking about having a bday party for Raffae now since his bday is on a saturday! I am thinking the theme is going to be "Fun with Water"! Can't wait for hot July weather!

EEEEKKKK. It's 4:20! I have to be in training by 8:30! It's raining a little right now, which means the commute tomorrow morning is going to be horrible!! Maybe I should try laying down and see if I can sleep! Alright my friends, wish me luck! Talk to you soon.

My day today

6:21 - Got out of bed without waking Raffe up.
6:45 - Got out of shower.
7:00 - Made coffee and listened to the morning news.
8:30 - Left for work.
2:30 - Got a call from Fannie Mae. I got the job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
7:22 - Still can't believe it! :-D I'm very excited about this job. This is something completely new for me. Can't wait till march 13th! I am Fannie Mae's newest Senior IT Policy Analyst! Hehehehehe

HR people are cruel

I interviewed for a job last Friday. I got really positive vibes from the 4 people that grilled me for 2.5 hours. I thought I'd definitley know something by today! The lady from HR just called me to update me about their position! Turns out, she had to reschedule someone else for the interview and wouldn't be able to make a final decision until next Friday (hopefully!)!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!! Next Friday is like 2 years away from today!!!!!!!! What am I going to do till then? Twiddle my thumb?! I need a short-term project....

Any suggestions?