Ask Who I Am, Not What

Just recently, I had a conversation with a friend who said even though she was born and brought up in USA, she constantly gets asked "Where are you from?", not "What is your ethnic background?". Her offense? The color of her skin. When I heard about the Race Card Project on NPR this morning, I thought of that conversation first. Listening to some of the stories that have been collected over the past two years for the project, I was reminded of this incident. We are lucky that we live in a diverse community and I truly believe no one around me is biased by race, but then there are those little things people say that gets me once in a while. At International Night at kids school, we made a poster for weddings in Bangladesh. Someone asked "Where's the elephant?" Err...not all weddings have elephants! Actually, I dont think I've been to any weddings that had elephants! If you are going to use Indiana Jones movies as your sole cultural reference to South East Asia, I don't have much to say to you! Then there's always the "How did you learn to speak English?" In Bangladesh, by going to school once I was done fetching water and food from the jungle! Thank you very much! How do we break down these cultural barriers? There are people I know who are very interested to know about my background and they are not afraid to ask questions. They are truly the minority. May be its time I volunteer to the PTA and start a open discussion on Diversity among parents. I truly believe its much better with our kids. They are growing up in a multicultural environment and they accept that different people have different backgrounds, stories. Raffae's class just did a project on immigration and I thought that was very cool. We need more projects like that on a bigger scale!




My Six Word Story:



Judge me once you know me

A life-changing experience

Tanveer and I went to BODIES The Exhibition on Saturday. I could probably talk about the exhibition for hours! Here is a bullet point list of things that mesmerized, entertained me:

• It was breath-taking to see the supposedly 60,000 miles of veins and arteries running through the body. What they did is they injected red liquid silicone into the whole vascular system and let it harden, Then they took away the rest of the body leaving an intricate, mind-boggling human shaped concentration of blood vessels. I am sure the lighting added to the final effect, but it was cool to see how each drop of blood can pass through the heart once in every 60 seconds!

• I knew about the three tiny bones in our middle ear, but I couldn’t believe my eyes that those miniscule things on display in front of me are what makes it possible for me to hear my children’s laughter! I love my Malleus, Incus and Stapes!!!!!!!!

• There was one display box that contained the largest organ of the human body. You know what that is?! Skin! It looked gross! It looked like someone had laid out an outfit or something. It looked like you could make a purse or briefcase out it! :-P I am sure I will think about this one next time I am buying something made out of genuine leather.

• Thank GOD I never felt the urge to smoke! To see the pearly white, broccoli looking healthy lung and the blackened lung of a smoker next to each other was quite a shocking experience. No wonder the strategically placed trash box next to the display was filled with cigarette boxes. I hope all those people that did through their cigarette boxes in the trash, do quit smoking.

• I was amazed to see the size of a Uterus. I have no idea how my poor uterus held a 9 pound 3 ounces baby and all the amniotic fluid and whatever else!

• I held a human brain and a heart in my hands………

• Last but not least, the room that displayed stages of embryonic and fetal development. There were cases of embryos in different developmental stage. As early as three weeks old and you could already see the different features of the face, hands and feet. There were cases of fetus where the pregnancy went horribly wrong. It was heart wrenching to see the little bodies. I think I will sit on the fence forever on pro-choice vs. pro-life arguments.

From the day the exhibition started, it has been shrouded by controversies. Yet, I’d say this was one of my most memorable days of my life! It was educational, emotional, and thought-provoking. I think this was THE push I needed to start taking better care of myself. To see how complex the human body is, MY body is, gave me a different perspective on life. As one of the posters on the wall at the exhibition said so aptly “Why wouldn’t you be interested in your body? This is the only thing that you have with you from birth to death”. I hope people can put their prejudices aside and go stroll through the exhibition and maybe learn something new about their bodies.

When is getting raped a better option?

The answer is when you are a woman in Darfur! I heard a feature on NPR and also read this article on The Christian Science Monitor about the group known as Elders lead by former president Jimmy Carter that went to Sudan recently. Here is a paragraph from the article:

Some people they visited slipped them notes full of allegations of rape and other abuse by militias aligned with the Sudanese government. The wife of former South African President Nelson Mandela, Graca Machel, told of her meeting with women in Darfur. "The first thing they told us they need security," she said. "They need security. They gave us examples of what happened to them, even graphically, to show how women are being raped, are beaten and are brutalized. I think because they thought we may not get a clear translation, they went at length of using gestures to show us how brutal it was, the kind of assault they are subjected to."

NPR had a more detailed interview with their reporter who was traveling with the Elders. She reported the women said they are raped a lot of times when they go out to fetch wood for their stoves or to get their hands on some food for their family. When asked why the men of the family couldn’t do those chores, the answer was “If the men go, they will be killed. We are just getting raped”.

How horrible is that?

Update: Here is one way you can help. Save Darfur

Bitter sweet

A friend from high school, whom I hadn't seen since then, came to visit during Labor Day weekend with his wife and two kids. Essentially, I've known him only as a teenager. To meet him as an adult and to find out that I like him even more as an adult was a great feeling. He has done well for himself, has a LOVELY wife whom all of us adored to death, and the kids! Oh wow! Raffae was instantly friends with S who is just a month younger than him. My mom and I got busy with N who is just about five months old! She is simply adorable. The next day, I offered to baby sit N as my friend and his wife wanted to go see some places in DC. S refused to leave without Raffae, so ammu and I ended up babysitting all four kids and Tanveer took them to DC. The kids had fun coloring, playing at the park, napping on couch cushions on the floor. S was very affectionate towards Zoya too. Every time Raffae and she went to the basement or to another room, she took Zoya with her. Zoya received loads of hugs and kisses from her throughout the weekend. Both S and Raffae cried when it was time to say goodbye. We put S in the car promising to send Raffae and Zoya by mail! She is bugging her dad everyday to talk to the postman since Raffae and Zoya haven't arrived yet! How adorable is that!?

And then we found out my Boro mama (eldest maternal uncle) suffered a heart attack. After my mom's heart attack in 2001, everyone in the family recognizes signs of heart attack and he was taken to the hospital immediately. He received proper treatment at the right time, so he is out of danger at the moment, but will have to take a lot of care of himself for the rest of his life. The scary thing is this mama is the most finicky eater in the family. At 74, he is still very active. You would think he wouldn't be at risk for heart related problems except for that one fact - gene. Almost everyone on my mom's side has had a heart attack or has passed away from stroke. It’s scary to think that I happen to carry that gene too!!!! I need to get in shape, need to lose all these extra pounds I gained during the pregnancies. Just can't seem to motivate myself enough to go to the gym! How much more of a sign do I need?!

Silent Tears

It was past 1:30 am and I was crying silent tears. I had just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini. Wow! What a story! The main story evolves around two women, from very different backgrounds, in Afghanistan – how their lives got entangled together in a loveless marriage with a brutal, physically violent husband. At first, I thought it was a bit slow-paced and somewhat predictable. Then I got to a point where I couldn’t put it down. I made Tanveer mad because I had the bedside lamp on and he couldn’t sleep. But I had to finish the book last night.

I knew what happened in Afghanistan under Taliban regime and before that under the Soviet invasion for the past 30/40 years. Reading about it all over again, now with two endearing protagonists in the picture, I was trying to put myself in their shoes. I can never imagine not going to work. Specially, if me not going to work meant my kids would have to go without food, what would have I done? What would I have done if I were told that there is no place for me in the hospital and I am about to give birth? What would I have done if I was told I couldn’t go out by myself? That I have to wear Burkha all the time? That I could be beaten for no apparent reason? That my daughter can not go to school? That I cannot watch TV/movie/play? That all books are “haaram” except the Quran? Scary, huh? And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. My heart went out once again to all the women out there. Not just in Afghanistan, but all over the world. Afghanistan, Sudan, Bangladesh, US – doesn’t matter where. There are women out there, living in fear, living under oppression, even at this time and age. I need to do something.

I remember seeing an episode of Oprah where she went to see some women being treated in a clinic in South Africa. A lady from US was so moved by the story that she decided to do something for the women. She didn’t have a lot of money, so she started making bracelets for the women with her daughter using simple, colorful beads. Next time when Oprah went back, she took the bracelets with her. You should have seen the smiles on everyone’s faces. No one probably ever stood up for them, let alone gave them anything nice. This small bracelet made them soooo happy. I kept thinking about it before falling asleep. I need to find out something I can do, even if it something as simple as making bead bracelets. My friend Katie is involved with an organization called "Nari Jibon". I need to give her a call.

I am proud to be a woman and thankful for the life I have.

Facing my fears one at a time

I faced one of my fears yesterday – water; more specifically, swimming pool. I registered for a swimming class and yesterday was the first class. I was really scared thinking I wasn’t going to be able to take my feet off of the floor! But I did and I had fun! Man, swimming is hard! I was sooooooo tired by the time I came back home. I have to find some time to go back to the swimming pool and practice before next week’s class.

With swimming lessons in progress, next I guess I’ll have to get myself a bike! Yes I can’t bike either!!!!!!!! I was a bookworm growing up! I could probably name the capital of all the countries of the world. Almost all of them at least. So there….

Goose Frava....

Sometimes I am really mean to people. This morning, someone called our home phone. When I answered the phone, the person on the other side of the line just hung up without a word. I figured he/she realized that it was not the correct number. Before I could turn away from the phone, it rang again. I saw from the caller ID that it was the same person calling back. Again I answered the phone and promptly I heard a click. That just pissed me off so much that I called the number back. A guy answered with an awkward “Hi”. I asked him if he had called my number. He said “Yes, but I think I got the number wrong.” I was so annoyed that I told him, not in a pleasant tone I assure you, that next time he calls a wrong number early in the morning; he should at least have the decency to apologize before hanging up. With that, I hung up the phone on him. Do I have anger management issues?? Or was my reaction justifiable?

Need a lifestyle change

I have been worried about my health in general recently. With two kids back to back, I have put on some weight and have been carrying it around with me for the past three years! My family has all kinds of nasty history of Heart Diseases, Cancer, Diabetes, Glucoma, Arthritis…basically you name it and someone in the family has it! I keep thinking I need to start going to the gym regularly and get this extra 25 pounds off of me. I keep telling myself I need to start eating healthier, but forget that as soon as I see the chocolate cake in the cafeteria. I’ve become increasingly depressed, worried in the last month or so about my health. I need to go get my annual check up done and I think my sixth sense is telling me that this year, I’m going to get some bad news. If I had to bet, I’d put my money on high cholesterol. Of course, I’m putting off making that appointment. Then I got a wake up call yesterday. Someone whom I knew in Bangladesh died of heart attack last week. He was my classmate.

I want to be a better person

We were watching Hotel Rwanda the other night. I tear up every time I see this movie. We recently bought the DVD, so this time we watched the “Special Features” which included interviews of the real Paul Rusesabagina. What a humble person! He is so above the average person, yet so very non-judgmental, very diplomatic. Considering the fact that the world leaders left him, you would think he would be sarcastic, cynical; yet he exudes honesty, an openness that is really rare. If I were in his situation, I probably would have been on the first bus out of the hotel! We are so materialistic, image concious nowadays that we forget what REALLY is important - who we are as human beings. I've read recently that there is a "campaign" going on to smear his name. People are saying that the story has been distorted, he didn't do as much as the movie depicts, that he only helped his friends etc. The person I saw talking on the special feature the other day I think is not capable of doing such things. He didn't start an effort on his own to save people from the mass killings, the situation sort of chose him. What is remarkable is that he rose above his reservations and tried his best to help other people in need. He trully is a real-life hero and he inspires me to be a better person.

A to Z

"Tuklified" this from Rezwan. Got to his blog from Katie's recent post. Very interesting blog. Will have to read all the old posts this weekend!

• A - Age: 30+ :-P
  
• B - Busy-ness! : Those darn kids!
  
• C - Chore You Hate: Folding laundry!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• D - Daily Routine: wake up, try to wake Tanveer up, make coffee, get the kids ready, try to wake Tanveer up again, get myself ready, pull Tanveer down from the bed, drag tanveer to the bathroom, leave for work, work, come back home, eat, play with kids, get them ready for bed, watch a little tv or read a little, sleep. yeah I know! Boring life!
  
• E - Essential Make-Up Item: Deo, perfume, eye-liner and lipstick
  
• F - Fave pastime: reading, watching tv/movie. Would like to pick up knitting, sewing again.
  
• G - Gold or Silver: Whichever hubby feels like buying for me :-P
  
• H - Homeland: USA and Bangladesh.
  
• I - Instruments You Play: Harmonium!!!!!!!!!!
  
• J - Jinx: None
  
• K - Kids: Two. Son: Raffae 2 1/2 years old Daughter: Zoya 15 months old
  
• L - Living Arrangements: At home with hubby and two kids and soon to be joined by my mom! Yayyy!
  
• M - Marvels: My kids! Can't believe they grew up inside of me!
  
• N - Number of Women I have slept with: None!!! ;-)
  
• O - Obsession: the length of my hair.
  
• P - Phobia: None.
  
• Q - Quote You Like: Too many to mention here.
  
• R - Religious Affiliation: By birth Muslim.
  
• S - Siblings: 1 sister.
  
• T - Time You Wake Up: Whenever one of the kids wake up!
  
• U - Unique Habit: I always have to start cleaning a room from a corner!
  
• V - Vegetable You Refuse to Eat: None.
  
• W - Worst Habit: procrastination!
  
• X - X-Rays You've Had: Teeth
  
• Y - Yummy Food You Make: I make a mean beef curry!!!!!!!
  
• Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
  

The Oprah Show

After Zoya's surgery, I was very very depressed. Then when I lost my father, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I was very upset, depressed, sad, angry at the unfairness of life. I had watched this episode of Oprah show one day when I was home. Seeing Carolyn on the show, what she had been through and to see how upbeat she still was, how strong she was, made me think twice about myself. I felt so small compared to her. Here I am drowning in my sorrow, when there are so many others with bigger problems in their lives, yet at the same time in full control of their lives! I started watching Oprah show to remind me from other peoples lives that I still have a lot more to be thankful for and maybe I can do something to help these people who really need help. Before, I'd watch something on tv, or read about something and think I need to do something for them. But soon, I would have moved on to other stories or another webpage forgetting all about the misery of women in Ethiopia suffering from Fistula. I usually don't make new year's resolution. But this year, I'm thinking I'm going to change/start some things in my life. One of them is volunteering at the Shady Grove Hospital. I hardly have any time with a full-time job and two kids. But if I can go for two hours over the weekend, I think it would make me feel a lot better than sitting on the couch and watching tv would do.

Bishsho Behaya

I am sooooooooo naive. (I can see my sister thinking "finally!!") I get hurt by the same people over and over again and I seem to forget/forgive it in no time! From today, I am not going to play "nice gal" anymore. ( I edited this post, cause as you can probably tell, I was hurt/mad at the time I posted it. That's just not me!!!!))

P.S. See what I mean now by naive!! Setting myself up already for the next incident that's going to hurt me!! Some people just never learn!! Tsk. Tsk.

P.P.S. I was thinking about editing this post one more time, but Tanveer beat me to it! :-) Check out his comment.

Petra

She weighs barely 100 pounds and I could probably wrap my hands around her waist. She is our office crusader. She wants all of us to eat better, ban foods containing Trans Fat, recycle everything. She has two dogs one of which is Diabetic. She refuses to put her down. She loves to make jewelry. In three weeks, she is going off to New Orleans. She volunteered at the Red Cross. She will receive a day of training and then off she goes. She has no idea where she is going to stay or what she is going to do once she is there. That doesn’t seem to faze her out. She is hoping to bring back a dog from there. We need more and more people like her in this world.

My hats off to you Petra.