Remembering 9/11

It was a normal Tuesday morning. I got to work and logged in to my laptop. Ping. Ping. Ping. My IM window blinked. I opened it and saw a co-worker who was working from home had the following message for me:

 

A plane just hit one of the twin towers!!!!!!!!!

 

He was the office prankster. My reaction was "Yeah right!" It was around 9:00. Couple of minutes later, again ping,ping, ping! This time the message was scary.

 

"Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another plane just hit the other tower. I'm watching it live on CNN!!!!!!!!"

 

That really got my scared. I tried to go over to the CNN website and it was not loading. People started talking around us. My manager showed up. "Hey, did you guys hear the news? We are going over to Sears across the street."

 

We all went. Sears had all their TVs tuned to CNN and we watched in horror the events of the day unfolding. As the towers collapsed in front of our eyes, I was sure my friend who worked at 7 World Trade Center was gone. We couldn't stop watching, we couldn't peel our eyes away from the TV - this unimaginable horror. Who was responsible? How can someone kill innocent people just like that? How deep does your hatred need to be to go down to this level?

 

I went home at some point and stayed in front of the tv all night watching rescue efforts and news. As the words came pouring "Osama Bin Laden", "Al Qaeda" - I was terrified. I am a Muslim. What's going to happen to the Muslims in US now?! I took the next day off, again wrapping myself in a blanket, stayed in front of the TV and watched news. I cried  for all the people that lost their lives, for the fire-fighters and rescuers who died trying to save complete strangers. 

 

The following day, I went to work with a lot of shame on my shoulder. I felt responsible. I am sure all decent Muslims around the world felt the same. I came to US with not a penny to my name. People here have embraced me with open arms, the country has given me opportunities to get a college degree, to get a decent job. In return, my people have destroyed normal life in US. I knew life was never going to be the same in US. At the same time, I heard from people around me, who assured me that they don't consider me an outsider, that they know I am personally not responsible. Friends wrote emails to me, co-workers left notes, chocolates for me on my desk. In the middle of all this destruction, the beauty of human nature shined the brightest and restored my faith in humanity. 

 

 

Ask Who I Am, Not What

Just recently, I had a conversation with a friend who said even though she was born and brought up in USA, she constantly gets asked "Where are you from?", not "What is your ethnic background?". Her offense? The color of her skin. When I heard about the Race Card Project on NPR this morning, I thought of that conversation first. Listening to some of the stories that have been collected over the past two years for the project, I was reminded of this incident. We are lucky that we live in a diverse community and I truly believe no one around me is biased by race, but then there are those little things people say that gets me once in a while. At International Night at kids school, we made a poster for weddings in Bangladesh. Someone asked "Where's the elephant?" Err...not all weddings have elephants! Actually, I dont think I've been to any weddings that had elephants! If you are going to use Indiana Jones movies as your sole cultural reference to South East Asia, I don't have much to say to you! Then there's always the "How did you learn to speak English?" In Bangladesh, by going to school once I was done fetching water and food from the jungle! Thank you very much! How do we break down these cultural barriers? There are people I know who are very interested to know about my background and they are not afraid to ask questions. They are truly the minority. May be its time I volunteer to the PTA and start a open discussion on Diversity among parents. I truly believe its much better with our kids. They are growing up in a multicultural environment and they accept that different people have different backgrounds, stories. Raffae's class just did a project on immigration and I thought that was very cool. We need more projects like that on a bigger scale!




My Six Word Story:



Judge me once you know me

A life-changing experience

Tanveer and I went to BODIES The Exhibition on Saturday. I could probably talk about the exhibition for hours! Here is a bullet point list of things that mesmerized, entertained me:

• It was breath-taking to see the supposedly 60,000 miles of veins and arteries running through the body. What they did is they injected red liquid silicone into the whole vascular system and let it harden, Then they took away the rest of the body leaving an intricate, mind-boggling human shaped concentration of blood vessels. I am sure the lighting added to the final effect, but it was cool to see how each drop of blood can pass through the heart once in every 60 seconds!

• I knew about the three tiny bones in our middle ear, but I couldn’t believe my eyes that those miniscule things on display in front of me are what makes it possible for me to hear my children’s laughter! I love my Malleus, Incus and Stapes!!!!!!!!

• There was one display box that contained the largest organ of the human body. You know what that is?! Skin! It looked gross! It looked like someone had laid out an outfit or something. It looked like you could make a purse or briefcase out it! :-P I am sure I will think about this one next time I am buying something made out of genuine leather.

• Thank GOD I never felt the urge to smoke! To see the pearly white, broccoli looking healthy lung and the blackened lung of a smoker next to each other was quite a shocking experience. No wonder the strategically placed trash box next to the display was filled with cigarette boxes. I hope all those people that did through their cigarette boxes in the trash, do quit smoking.

• I was amazed to see the size of a Uterus. I have no idea how my poor uterus held a 9 pound 3 ounces baby and all the amniotic fluid and whatever else!

• I held a human brain and a heart in my hands………

• Last but not least, the room that displayed stages of embryonic and fetal development. There were cases of embryos in different developmental stage. As early as three weeks old and you could already see the different features of the face, hands and feet. There were cases of fetus where the pregnancy went horribly wrong. It was heart wrenching to see the little bodies. I think I will sit on the fence forever on pro-choice vs. pro-life arguments.

From the day the exhibition started, it has been shrouded by controversies. Yet, I’d say this was one of my most memorable days of my life! It was educational, emotional, and thought-provoking. I think this was THE push I needed to start taking better care of myself. To see how complex the human body is, MY body is, gave me a different perspective on life. As one of the posters on the wall at the exhibition said so aptly “Why wouldn’t you be interested in your body? This is the only thing that you have with you from birth to death”. I hope people can put their prejudices aside and go stroll through the exhibition and maybe learn something new about their bodies.

I miss Bangladesh

My mom got a phone call from Bangladesh this weekend. It was from a lady who used to be our neighbor in Chittagong for as long as I can remember. Obviously after my mom came to US to live with me, she lost touch with a lot of people in Bangladesh. This lady was missing my mom so much that she set her son, Morshed, on a manhunt literally. Her son had cell phone numbers that my parents had used in Bangladesh at different times. He called each one and talked to the person answering the phone to figure out if that person knew where my mom is, could give him a number where he can reach my mom. He hit gold when one of those numbers was answered by my phupu. My mom gave my phupu her phone before leaving Bangladesh. So after pleasantries, Morshed got my mom’s cell phone number here and called over the weekend.

I was so touched by this incident. I kept thinking about chachi (as we used to call her) all throughout the weekend. I remember she used to send us Halwas, mistis, different types of pithas almost every week. My sister and I were regular visitors to her kitchen. Both her and her husband adored the two of us since they had three sons and no daughters. Whenever I had gone to Bangladesh in the past, I had always made a point of visiting her since she was always just couple of steps away. Now with Abbu gone and chacha retired, I hear they have relocated to Dhaka to live with their son. I kept thinking would I see them again?

Why do I not meet people like that over here? Is it me? Am I not open enough to people? Or is it really the people in Bangladesh? Are they born to be hospitable towards everyone? Are they more trustworthy towards people? Whatever it is, I am missing my childhood days like crazy.

Which ones do you remember?

I am sure you all have seen this already. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story. It got me thinking. What are the news events that I remember very vividly from my past? Here are some of them:

• The Uruguayan rugby team plane crash in Andes – I read about this when I was about 7/8 years old. There were lots of old Reader’s Digests in my grandfather’s house and I somehow stumbled upon an issue that had this story. I remember the pictures from that issue still quite vividly. I wish I had saved that magazine. Needless to say, I watch “Alive” every time it is on TV.

• The Challenger crash – Anyone my age should probably remember this. I always tell people that I’d love to go to the orbit and see the earth from above. I think the Challenger incident is the inspiration behind this. I was excited about the mission cause it involved the first ever civilian going to space. Before, I guess I knew I would never be an astronaut, but with a civilian in the crew, I think all of a sudden I realized that there still might be a way for me to go to space!!!! Now if I only had about $20 million handy and I was couple of inches taller, my dream wouldn’t have been that far from reality!

• Charles and Diana Wedding – Which little girl wouldn’t like the fairytale wedding they had?! I remember I went to the mall with my mom and a lot of the stores were closing early so they could go home and watch the wedding. We hurried back home too.

• Idi Amin – I was scared of Idi Amin! I must have heard someone talk about him. I don’t think I even knew who he was. I just knew that he was into “cannibalism” and that was enough to make me scared of him at that early age.

• 9/11 – enough said.

JonBenet

I am very, very saddened by the news of the arrest in JonBenet case. Ever since I had Zoya, anything horrible I hear concerning a little girl, I ofcourse think of all the what-ifs and it just kills me. Hearing the news of the arrest on the radio on my way to work this morning, I was reminded of all those videos of JonBenet walking down the pageant isle, the home videos, her pictures on front of every magazine and newspaper on the stand. Everyone I am sure remembers who JonBenet is. You don’t need to jog anyone’s memory! I thought about her parents and was startled by the realization that her mother passed away earlier this year without knowing that her daughter’s murderer was found. What agony they must have gone through all these years, with the media always keeping them in the limelight with false accusations and conjectures. At the time, I disliked Patsy thinking how could you let a six year old go to these pageants, what are you really teaching your kid by doing this?! But the fact that she passed away not knowing that her name has been cleared of accusations is bothering me. Ten years! Wow! I hope the family is not reliving every horrible second of that day today. I hope the paparazzis leave them alone, let them have some much deserved peace and quiet.

(Updated 8/22/06) What in the world! I just read that the guy's family is producing a picture of his three sons taken during Christmas 2001 in Georgia or some other place and they are saying if his sons were in Gorgia, so was he. Otherwise, the family would have remembered his absense! Agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Hate this! No matter what, that guy is creepy! He said he loved JonBenet! Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Sick!

I want to be a better person

We were watching Hotel Rwanda the other night. I tear up every time I see this movie. We recently bought the DVD, so this time we watched the “Special Features” which included interviews of the real Paul Rusesabagina. What a humble person! He is so above the average person, yet so very non-judgmental, very diplomatic. Considering the fact that the world leaders left him, you would think he would be sarcastic, cynical; yet he exudes honesty, an openness that is really rare. If I were in his situation, I probably would have been on the first bus out of the hotel! We are so materialistic, image concious nowadays that we forget what REALLY is important - who we are as human beings. I've read recently that there is a "campaign" going on to smear his name. People are saying that the story has been distorted, he didn't do as much as the movie depicts, that he only helped his friends etc. The person I saw talking on the special feature the other day I think is not capable of doing such things. He didn't start an effort on his own to save people from the mass killings, the situation sort of chose him. What is remarkable is that he rose above his reservations and tried his best to help other people in need. He trully is a real-life hero and he inspires me to be a better person.

An Island

I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.

Bubu

My world has been turned upside down again. My dadi (grandmother) passed away yesterday after suffering for a long, long, long, long time. She was my first ever friend. I grew up in a joint family. So she literally raised me. I have so many fond memories of her that I'll cherish all my life. May God give her much deserved peace.

The Oprah Show

After Zoya's surgery, I was very very depressed. Then when I lost my father, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I was very upset, depressed, sad, angry at the unfairness of life. I had watched this episode of Oprah show one day when I was home. Seeing Carolyn on the show, what she had been through and to see how upbeat she still was, how strong she was, made me think twice about myself. I felt so small compared to her. Here I am drowning in my sorrow, when there are so many others with bigger problems in their lives, yet at the same time in full control of their lives! I started watching Oprah show to remind me from other peoples lives that I still have a lot more to be thankful for and maybe I can do something to help these people who really need help. Before, I'd watch something on tv, or read about something and think I need to do something for them. But soon, I would have moved on to other stories or another webpage forgetting all about the misery of women in Ethiopia suffering from Fistula. I usually don't make new year's resolution. But this year, I'm thinking I'm going to change/start some things in my life. One of them is volunteering at the Shady Grove Hospital. I hardly have any time with a full-time job and two kids. But if I can go for two hours over the weekend, I think it would make me feel a lot better than sitting on the couch and watching tv would do.

Bishsho Behaya

I am sooooooooo naive. (I can see my sister thinking "finally!!") I get hurt by the same people over and over again and I seem to forget/forgive it in no time! From today, I am not going to play "nice gal" anymore. ( I edited this post, cause as you can probably tell, I was hurt/mad at the time I posted it. That's just not me!!!!))

P.S. See what I mean now by naive!! Setting myself up already for the next incident that's going to hurt me!! Some people just never learn!! Tsk. Tsk.

P.P.S. I was thinking about editing this post one more time, but Tanveer beat me to it! :-) Check out his comment.