Dreading...waiting

I am dreading the arrival of July 3rd. Can't believe it already has been a year since the day I lost my father. I know my mom is going to be sad that day. My sister is coming over on the 1st. So atleast I don't have to handle my mom all alone. I don't know how I am going to handle it though. I am usully not an emotional wreck, but this is a first. Unknown territory. I know I will be playing scenes from that day over and over in my head. I still can't get over the fact that I would never see him again. I wish I knew for sure that he did not have any regrets. The fact that he couldn't talk in his last days weighs heavily on my mind when I think about it. Would he have said things to us in his last days? Would he have asked me to take care of my mom and my sister? Did he want to see his mother one last time? Should I have taken Raffae and Zoya with me to Bangladesh so that he could have seen them one last time? Was he too much in pain to even think about these simple things? I read Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" recently. I hope Abbu is waiting there in line for me. I so hope he is.