Thursday, June 29
I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.
Tuesday, June 27
My world has been turned upside down again. My dadi (grandmother) passed away yesterday after suffering for a long, long, long, long time. She was my first ever friend. I grew up in a joint family. So she literally raised me. I have so many fond memories of her that I'll cherish all my life. May God give her much deserved peace.
Tuesday, June 13
I am dreading the arrival of July 3rd. Can't believe it already has been a year since the day I lost my father. I know my mom is going to be sad that day. My sister is coming over on the 1st. So atleast I don't have to handle my mom all alone. I don't know how I am going to handle it though. I am usully not an emotional wreck, but this is a first. Unknown territory. I know I will be playing scenes from that day over and over in my head. I still can't get over the fact that I would never see him again. I wish I knew for sure that he did not have any regrets. The fact that he couldn't talk in his last days weighs heavily on my mind when I think about it. Would he have said things to us in his last days? Would he have asked me to take care of my mom and my sister? Did he want to see his mother one last time? Should I have taken Raffae and Zoya with me to Bangladesh so that he could have seen them one last time? Was he too much in pain to even think about these simple things? I read Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" recently. I hope Abbu is waiting there in line for me. I so hope he is.
Tuesday, June 6
My mom was watching some Bollywood award show this morning. In between eating my breakfast, making coffee, I was taking in some of the hoopla. All the Indian actors, actresses decked out in their best outfits and jewelry, all the crazy dancing going on onstage. At one point, I started noticing all the actresses in their ever shrinking outfits had curves in the right places, even a small womanly pouch! I stopped and watched the next couple of dances and yes they all had some meat on them. I found it quite refreshing compared to the ever shrinking bodies of the Hollywood actresses! I think I’ll make Zoya watch Bollywood movies till she gets it in her head that being a size 0 or a size 2 is not necessarily a good thing. Now what to do about all the crazy outfits the Indian actresses are sporting nowadays?! Sigh. There’s always a catch!