Stressed out

I’m so so restless. Things are up in the air - both at work and in our personal lives. We are trying to make some big changes to our personal lives. Can’t make a lot of decisions until work situations sort themselves out. And then there’s potty training! I am about to give up hope on Rafffae ever being potty trained! I think he has decided to go to elementary school in diapers! Nothing is working. We have tried anything and everything we can think of and people told us to do. As a last resort, I took away his diapers yesterday. I declared that he will only wear diaper when he goes to pre-school twice a week. I had a long conversation with him about what to do. Then, later in the evening …… well, lets just say I am thankful that I have hardwood floors and not carpet in my house. Any other suggestions from moms out there?

Goose Frava....

Sometimes I am really mean to people. This morning, someone called our home phone. When I answered the phone, the person on the other side of the line just hung up without a word. I figured he/she realized that it was not the correct number. Before I could turn away from the phone, it rang again. I saw from the caller ID that it was the same person calling back. Again I answered the phone and promptly I heard a click. That just pissed me off so much that I called the number back. A guy answered with an awkward “Hi”. I asked him if he had called my number. He said “Yes, but I think I got the number wrong.” I was so annoyed that I told him, not in a pleasant tone I assure you, that next time he calls a wrong number early in the morning; he should at least have the decency to apologize before hanging up. With that, I hung up the phone on him. Do I have anger management issues?? Or was my reaction justifiable?

Happy New Year

Wow! It’s been a month since I last posted on ZeeNotes. Things were crazy at work last month. The first phase of the project I am working on went live on Dec 13th, so everyone at work was literally camping out at the office. We had some long nights, lots of hard work, consumed gallons of coffee and soda, ate tons of Pizza and got this damn project up and running!!!!!! It was a great feeling. Fannie was the best thing that happened to me in 2006. Before Fannie Mae, I was stuck in a job that I hated and I was working with people that I didn’t quite like. I came to Fannie to do something different and ended up in a totally awesome project, working with a great bunch of intelligent people. I worked my butt off on this project and am very satisfied with the way my professional life is heading.

And then I got sick! Both Tanveer and I were sick like dogs for the last half of December. We ushered in 2007 amongst tissues, Nyquil, comforters and pillows!!! Some of us even went to sleep before the ball dropped!!! I am back to work now and knee deep into Phase 2 already!

So how is 2007 going for you so far? Are you still keeping your resolutions?? I broke my rule and made couple of resolutions this year! I know I’ll break half of them before January ends, but at least if I don’t try, it’s not going to happen at all! One of my resolutions is to get in touch with friends and family this year. I’ve written about this before also. I have lost touch with friends in the last couple of years and it is mostly my fault. I am just too busy with kids, commute and work. But I am determined to get back on track this year. I was always known for remembering everyone’s and their neighbor’s birthdays and I don’t think I even called all my close friends last year to wish them a happy birthday!!!!!!!!!! I am surprised that they still reply to my emails every once in a while! ;-) So there! It’s out in the open. If I miss your birthday again this year, I’ll completely understand if you don’t send me an email ever.

Which ones do you remember?

I am sure you all have seen this already. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story. It got me thinking. What are the news events that I remember very vividly from my past? Here are some of them:

• The Uruguayan rugby team plane crash in Andes – I read about this when I was about 7/8 years old. There were lots of old Reader’s Digests in my grandfather’s house and I somehow stumbled upon an issue that had this story. I remember the pictures from that issue still quite vividly. I wish I had saved that magazine. Needless to say, I watch “Alive” every time it is on TV.

• The Challenger crash – Anyone my age should probably remember this. I always tell people that I’d love to go to the orbit and see the earth from above. I think the Challenger incident is the inspiration behind this. I was excited about the mission cause it involved the first ever civilian going to space. Before, I guess I knew I would never be an astronaut, but with a civilian in the crew, I think all of a sudden I realized that there still might be a way for me to go to space!!!! Now if I only had about $20 million handy and I was couple of inches taller, my dream wouldn’t have been that far from reality!

• Charles and Diana Wedding – Which little girl wouldn’t like the fairytale wedding they had?! I remember I went to the mall with my mom and a lot of the stores were closing early so they could go home and watch the wedding. We hurried back home too.

• Idi Amin – I was scared of Idi Amin! I must have heard someone talk about him. I don’t think I even knew who he was. I just knew that he was into “cannibalism” and that was enough to make me scared of him at that early age.

• 9/11 – enough said.

Proud Mommy

Raffae was watching Shrek 2 over the weekend. He used to watch it a lot when he was lot younger. I guess he forgot the story or was just too young to follow the storyline earlier. At the end, when Shrek takes the potion and turns into a human, he kept saying “Mommy, where is Shrek?”, “Oh no! Shrek is gone”, “Mommy, we need to find Shrek”. I was doing other stuff and wasn’t really looking at him when I was trying to explain to him that Shrek just looks different, but he is still very much there. The last thing he said to me was “Mommy, we have to fix it!!!!!” and then … I heard a sob!!! I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes. I asked him ofcourse why he was crying and that just opened the floodgate!!!!!!!!!! He was soooooo very upset. He was crying uncontrollably! My mom came downstairs thinking he got hurt. Both my mom and my mother-in-law always say that Raffae is very kind hearted (“Or mon ta khub norom”). I know he gets attached to people very quickly. But this was still so unexpected. I was proud of him that he cares so much for others. At the same time I was worried thinking life would be cruel to him. He will get hurt a lot by being so sensitive.

Different faces of grief

My mom has been depressed for the past two weeks. She misses Bangladesh, she misses my dad, she misses being able to pick up the phone and calling up her friends, she misses taking a rickshaw and going over to visit her family and friends. I've been trying everything I can think of to cheer her up. It's just not working. I am now getting depressed seeing her sad all the time. I miss my dad too, but I feel like I can’t really express my feelings to her because then it will make her even sadder than she already is. How do you make the pain of losing someway go away? It’s been a year and a half almost and I still feel the pain as raw and violently as I did the day he passed away. I can't even imagine what she feels like. I find myself trying to work longer hours so that I don’t have to go home and see my mom’s sad face. I feel horrible.

I miss you Abbu

I miss hearing your voice. I miss talking to you. I miss the smell of your cologne, mixed with soap. I miss your smile. I miss our conversations. I miss how you never used to finish a sentence. I miss eating from your plate. I miss holding your hand. I miss your honesty. I miss your simplicity. I miss your naivety. I miss your child like curiosity. I miss picking out your gray hair. I miss your delight in simple things. I miss your love.

It's COLD ......

High 29 degrees today and breezy!!!!! Windchill will make it feel like 17 degrees!! I think I am going to stay in the hotel today!!

"Happy Halloheen"

I'm in Chicago this week. So busy working and missing out on "Halloheen" as Raffae calls it. Hubby took the kids out for Trick or Treating tonight. Zoya I think thought she was just going out for a walk, so she stayed on our usual walking route and led Raffae and Tanveer back home!! :-) Tanveer then left her home with my mom and took Raffae out. Raffae said "I'm not scared" in front of houses that were decorated but then stayed back a little!!! :-D So much for dressing up as Superman!! I thought he would go for Scooby Doo or even Spiderman, but he was just determined that he wanted to dress up as Superman when I took him to the store to get him a costume!

We went to an orchard nearby our house on Sunday. They had hay rides, pony rides, face painting, animal petting etc. The kids had fun there too!! Halloween is becoming more and more fun every year!!!!!

Don't my Mini Mouse and Superman look adorable?!!! :-)

Keeping warm on this cold, cold day .....

with love! Today is my birthday. I am a big sucker for birthdays. I thought this year there won't be any celebration as hubby is out of town. To my surprise, my co-workers got me a cake. A lot of people called to wish me a happy birthday, some even from Bangladesh! And then when I got home, I was greeted with a card and a smile from Raffae. My mom helped him make the card. She said she had told Raffae that today is Mommy's birthday and he has been saying "Mommy happy Birthday, candle on cake" all day!! She had asked me to bring a small cake on my way home, which I did. We put a candle on the cake, cut it and then Raffae blew the candle off. Then my mom brought out the special dishes she had made for me!! I am so very blessed to have such loving family and friends.

Happy tears

I don't remember how I got to her blog, but I have already spent quite some time on it today and will read all her posts tonight. This one in particular, brought tears to my eyes.

Bagher Bachcha

Thank you Dr. Yunus for everything you have done for Bangladesh.

Apple of my eye

My baby is growing up way too fast! This picture was taken on her 2nd birthday. She is going through some rough times. She can't communicate efficiently what she wants and throws tantrums a lot nowadays. Sometimes it's really nervewrecking to handle her. If she could have her way, she would surgically have herself attached to mommy!! Mommy gets impatient at times, but baby, as soon as mommy sees this picture of yours, she forgets everything. You are mommy's favorite girl!

Need a lifestyle change

I have been worried about my health in general recently. With two kids back to back, I have put on some weight and have been carrying it around with me for the past three years! My family has all kinds of nasty history of Heart Diseases, Cancer, Diabetes, Glucoma, Arthritis…basically you name it and someone in the family has it! I keep thinking I need to start going to the gym regularly and get this extra 25 pounds off of me. I keep telling myself I need to start eating healthier, but forget that as soon as I see the chocolate cake in the cafeteria. I’ve become increasingly depressed, worried in the last month or so about my health. I need to go get my annual check up done and I think my sixth sense is telling me that this year, I’m going to get some bad news. If I had to bet, I’d put my money on high cholesterol. Of course, I’m putting off making that appointment. Then I got a wake up call yesterday. Someone whom I knew in Bangladesh died of heart attack last week. He was my classmate.

Vacay!!!

There is so much I want to say and write, but have no time! So here are couple of highlights to keep you all updated:

1) I have a three year old who is absolutely in love with Eiffel Tower.
2) Those souveniers do not come anywhere near the real thing!
3) Paris is cool beyond words.
4) I went to the Red Light District in Amsterdam!!
5) Raffae is driving me nuts with his constant chatter.
6) My friend Tanya's kids are absolutely adorable!

Stay tuned for over 340 pictures and counting..........

His first icecream

Raffae had his first icecream the other day! That kid of mine is weird! I mean what kid doesn't like icecream!!!!!!!! Those of you that don't know him, he is by far the pickiest eater I know of! Up until couple of months ago, he only ate things that are white! Yes, you read that right. WHITE! And it has to be crunchy, or atleast solid. No liquid beside milk and water ever went down his throat!! We took the kids to the Zoo over the weekend. I guess he saw other kids eating icecream and felt adventures enough to try one himself! I wish we had taken a camera or something to hold that image forever!!!!

JonBenet

I am very, very saddened by the news of the arrest in JonBenet case. Ever since I had Zoya, anything horrible I hear concerning a little girl, I ofcourse think of all the what-ifs and it just kills me. Hearing the news of the arrest on the radio on my way to work this morning, I was reminded of all those videos of JonBenet walking down the pageant isle, the home videos, her pictures on front of every magazine and newspaper on the stand. Everyone I am sure remembers who JonBenet is. You don’t need to jog anyone’s memory! I thought about her parents and was startled by the realization that her mother passed away earlier this year without knowing that her daughter’s murderer was found. What agony they must have gone through all these years, with the media always keeping them in the limelight with false accusations and conjectures. At the time, I disliked Patsy thinking how could you let a six year old go to these pageants, what are you really teaching your kid by doing this?! But the fact that she passed away not knowing that her name has been cleared of accusations is bothering me. Ten years! Wow! I hope the family is not reliving every horrible second of that day today. I hope the paparazzis leave them alone, let them have some much deserved peace and quiet.

(Updated 8/22/06) What in the world! I just read that the guy's family is producing a picture of his three sons taken during Christmas 2001 in Georgia or some other place and they are saying if his sons were in Gorgia, so was he. Otherwise, the family would have remembered his absense! Agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Hate this! No matter what, that guy is creepy! He said he loved JonBenet! Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Sick!

I want to be a better person

We were watching Hotel Rwanda the other night. I tear up every time I see this movie. We recently bought the DVD, so this time we watched the “Special Features” which included interviews of the real Paul Rusesabagina. What a humble person! He is so above the average person, yet so very non-judgmental, very diplomatic. Considering the fact that the world leaders left him, you would think he would be sarcastic, cynical; yet he exudes honesty, an openness that is really rare. If I were in his situation, I probably would have been on the first bus out of the hotel! We are so materialistic, image concious nowadays that we forget what REALLY is important - who we are as human beings. I've read recently that there is a "campaign" going on to smear his name. People are saying that the story has been distorted, he didn't do as much as the movie depicts, that he only helped his friends etc. The person I saw talking on the special feature the other day I think is not capable of doing such things. He didn't start an effort on his own to save people from the mass killings, the situation sort of chose him. What is remarkable is that he rose above his reservations and tried his best to help other people in need. He trully is a real-life hero and he inspires me to be a better person.

An Island

I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.

Bubu

My world has been turned upside down again. My dadi (grandmother) passed away yesterday after suffering for a long, long, long, long time. She was my first ever friend. I grew up in a joint family. So she literally raised me. I have so many fond memories of her that I'll cherish all my life. May God give her much deserved peace.