Sunday, December 14

Beating myself up

Yet another year went by and I still weigh about the same as I did at the beginning of the year, if not more! No clear muscle definition is visible either! So it's not like I've lost fat and gained muscle! On top of that, Tanveer has gone all out on health and fitness this year! As some of you already know, he did the Livestrong challenge this year. He is planning on doing it again in 09. He is also digging up all these core strengthening exercises from the web and actually doing them! He has made a lot of changes to his eating habit and I can see the results of all these, yet I still am not motivated enough to do those things for myself! How sad is that!? Oh did I mention he actually bought a treadmill for me since I always said that if we had one at home, it will be easier for me to workout? Meanwhile, yet another of my uncles suffered a stroke this year. This one brings the number to FIVE strokes/heart attacks on my mom's side of the family! So I am a high risk too.

I secretly wish for my pre-pregnancy body back. I fantasize about how I will work out, eat healthy and become a size four again, but put any food in front of me and I forget all about eating healthy, getting that body back, let alone be more responsible for my health. I tell myself I'll work out when I get home, but when I get home, I feel too lazy/find excuses not to exercise. It scares me to think what would happen to the kids if I am not there to take care of them, but I obviously don't feel strongly enough to make becoming healthier a priority. What an awful person I am!

I've been soooooo down last couple of days. What can I do that would not let me forget what my priorities should be when there is a box of cookies in front of me? I don't need to go to a body building competition. I don't even need to look good in a dress. I need to be healthy - for myself, for my kids, for my family.

4 comments:

tanveer said...

:( Don't feel too bad and don't blame yourself. We can work on this together. As Jerry MaGuire once said, "Help me help you."

Simika said...

love the new design :)

and as i wrote to you on the email, i totally TOTALLY understand what you mean! :( Sigh* what are we going to do!?

Tazzy said...

I totally know what you mean Zeenat.
At the same time I think you have hit the perfect timing to join a gym or start with a personal trainer.
Personlaly the first time I joined the gym i hated it and hardly ever went..infact simika and i would hit the icecreams after workign out.

When I set out with the aim to feel healthy instead of thin..i did much better about going regularly to the gym...on my own. Tackle one thing at a time- either gym or eating better. And every formula is not for everyone. eg -I am more of a solitary workout person...and simika is the opposite.
You have to find out what works for you and the only way you find that is actaully joining a gym where you like the vibe (take a long tour) and talking to a sympathetic trainer about your specific goals.
Some ppl are better with classes, some with trainers and some on their own.

All the best Z..I know you can do it!

Tazzy said...

Oh and the best advice I got about this is- tackle one thing at a time.
For the first few months, if you are working out..dont worry yourself sick about eating healthy.
Alternatively, if you are eating healthy though a good diet program like Weight Watchers then dont pressure yourself to exercise at the same time.

Starting to be healthy only works if you enjoy the process and not take it as punishment for something.