Silent Tears

It was past 1:30 am and I was crying silent tears. I had just finished reading "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini. Wow! What a story! The main story evolves around two women, from very different backgrounds, in Afghanistan – how their lives got entangled together in a loveless marriage with a brutal, physically violent husband. At first, I thought it was a bit slow-paced and somewhat predictable. Then I got to a point where I couldn’t put it down. I made Tanveer mad because I had the bedside lamp on and he couldn’t sleep. But I had to finish the book last night.

I knew what happened in Afghanistan under Taliban regime and before that under the Soviet invasion for the past 30/40 years. Reading about it all over again, now with two endearing protagonists in the picture, I was trying to put myself in their shoes. I can never imagine not going to work. Specially, if me not going to work meant my kids would have to go without food, what would have I done? What would I have done if I were told that there is no place for me in the hospital and I am about to give birth? What would I have done if I was told I couldn’t go out by myself? That I have to wear Burkha all the time? That I could be beaten for no apparent reason? That my daughter can not go to school? That I cannot watch TV/movie/play? That all books are “haaram” except the Quran? Scary, huh? And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. My heart went out once again to all the women out there. Not just in Afghanistan, but all over the world. Afghanistan, Sudan, Bangladesh, US – doesn’t matter where. There are women out there, living in fear, living under oppression, even at this time and age. I need to do something.

I remember seeing an episode of Oprah where she went to see some women being treated in a clinic in South Africa. A lady from US was so moved by the story that she decided to do something for the women. She didn’t have a lot of money, so she started making bracelets for the women with her daughter using simple, colorful beads. Next time when Oprah went back, she took the bracelets with her. You should have seen the smiles on everyone’s faces. No one probably ever stood up for them, let alone gave them anything nice. This small bracelet made them soooo happy. I kept thinking about it before falling asleep. I need to find out something I can do, even if it something as simple as making bead bracelets. My friend Katie is involved with an organization called "Nari Jibon". I need to give her a call.

I am proud to be a woman and thankful for the life I have.

A Birthday Story

by guest writer: Raffae

Long long time ago, there was a birthday. Happy birthday to Raffae. Raffae has balloons, and cakes and horns and candles. Someone has to hide and say Happy Birthday Raffae. Yup that's my story.

Murphy’s Law prevails

I have called for free tickets to U2, Madonna and some others tour tickets offered by the radio station I listen to on my way home. Usually I never get through. If I do get through, I am usually not the caller 10 (usually that’s the person who gets the ticket). On my way home yesterday, I called and was the caller 10 and got the free tickets – to go see American Idol tour.

Any huge American Idol fan out there that wants to take the tickets off my hand?

P.S. I don't like how my voice sounds!

I miss Bangladesh

My mom got a phone call from Bangladesh this weekend. It was from a lady who used to be our neighbor in Chittagong for as long as I can remember. Obviously after my mom came to US to live with me, she lost touch with a lot of people in Bangladesh. This lady was missing my mom so much that she set her son, Morshed, on a manhunt literally. Her son had cell phone numbers that my parents had used in Bangladesh at different times. He called each one and talked to the person answering the phone to figure out if that person knew where my mom is, could give him a number where he can reach my mom. He hit gold when one of those numbers was answered by my phupu. My mom gave my phupu her phone before leaving Bangladesh. So after pleasantries, Morshed got my mom’s cell phone number here and called over the weekend.

I was so touched by this incident. I kept thinking about chachi (as we used to call her) all throughout the weekend. I remember she used to send us Halwas, mistis, different types of pithas almost every week. My sister and I were regular visitors to her kitchen. Both her and her husband adored the two of us since they had three sons and no daughters. Whenever I had gone to Bangladesh in the past, I had always made a point of visiting her since she was always just couple of steps away. Now with Abbu gone and chacha retired, I hear they have relocated to Dhaka to live with their son. I kept thinking would I see them again?

Why do I not meet people like that over here? Is it me? Am I not open enough to people? Or is it really the people in Bangladesh? Are they born to be hospitable towards everyone? Are they more trustworthy towards people? Whatever it is, I am missing my childhood days like crazy.

Happy Birthday Raffae

My baby is turning four today! Many many happy returns of the day jaan! Love you. Mommy

Motherhood

Motherhood is funny. Without even realizing what you are getting into, you get into this unconditional relationship with someone for life! I was up to my neck at work when my mom called this morning. I answered the phone and before she could say anything, I heard Raffae crying in the background. I was instantly snapped out of my work mode into my mommy mode. I had a feeling this morning that he is going to have a rough day today. We enrolled him for swimming lessons at the community pool. He has been going to the pool every day for an hour or so and as a result comes back home dead tired. We dragged him to the mall with us last night after he came back from his swimming lesson and by the time we came back home, he was so tired he went to sleep right away. This morning, he woke up cranky and I suspect he is still tired. My mom said she has tried everything that normally cheers him up, but all he wants today is his mommy!!! My poor baby! I broke my decision of not giving him any of his birthday presents before his birthday and told my mom to give him one of the board games I got him. Hopefully that will keep him busy till mommy gets home with loads of hugs and kisses (not the candy, real hugs and kisses!). As for my work load, since my attention is pretty much shot for the day, I'll be playing Scrabble with my Facebook buddies for the rest of the day!

Observation of the day

Some people are sooooo stupid that I wish I had a mallet to hit them over the heads and make them better. Nuff said!

Beauty comes with a price!!!

Last night when I was taking out my contact lenses, one of them ripped! It looked quite intact on my hand, but once I went to bed, my eye kept watering and it felt like I had something in my eye. So I gave my eye a good rub. No change. More rubbing. No change. Then my head started throbbing. At one point, I got up, went to the bathroom, splashed some water in my eye and went back to bed. Couple of mintues of rubbing, burning later, I went back to the bathroom again and looked carefully. Holy crap! I see a small piece of my lense floating around in my eye!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEKKKK. Panicked, I call Tanveer. Took him a while to even see the piece. He is all thumbs anyway, so he was no use! Everytime I tried to grab the floating piece, it escaped and I ofcourse touched my eye and that burned like hell! After five or so minutes, Tanveer was getting ready to take me to ER. I felt as if it came out. So I decided not to go to ER and sleep on it.

This morning, I woke up with a throbbing headache! It still felt like there is something in my eye. I followed the same routine of rinsing and rubbing. I called my brother-in-law who is an eye surgeon. He said I probably have an abrasion from all the rubbing. Definitely go see a doctor if it is still bothring me tomorrow morning.

Then sometime during the afternoon, I felt something slide across my eye. This time I looked into one of those mirrors that magnifies the reflection and I saw the culprit folded neatly right around my lower lid! I closed my eyes and it came out!!!!!!

I am glad my eye is still intact!

The worlds of ZeeNotes and Jiggety Jig finally collided

Finally we got to meet Katie Z and Isaac this weekend! Katie left a comment on Tanveer's blog sometime ago and when Tanveer checked out her blog, he found out we have a common friend! How small is this world! I've been reading Katie's blog ever since. She came to DC last week with her son Isaac (Coolest kid ever! Really funny. Kept us entertained and was very patient with Raffae) and was able to come visit us on Friday. Here are some pics of Raffae and Isaac. They jelled instantly, as if they were separated at birth!

See how they both know how to pose for the camera!

Isaac shared his Gameboy with Raffae

Raffae was worshipping Isaac for letting him play his Gameboy

Isaac very patiently showed Raffae how to play

The Death Clock

As if I wasn't depressed enough today, I found this on the web.

The Death Clock - When am I going to die?

My death date is Thursday, January 6, 2050 :'(

Reality bites

No matter how grown up I act/am, when it comes to my family, specially my “chacha”s, I still feel like a little girl. I grew up in a joint family, indulged by my uncles and aunts. They are an intricate part of my life, of who I am. I’ve been out of Bangladesh for a long time now and over time I feel like my ties have somewhat loosened with them. Then I see a picture or receive an email from one of them and I just want to throw all my responsibilities away and go sit on their laps just like I used to when I was a little girl and let them tell me that they will be there forever to take care of me, nothing bad will ever happen to me because they will be there to slay the monsters for me.

My Chacha has been sick for some time. I received some pictures from my cousin today. Chachchu looks soooo frail in the pictures. The pictures turned me into a complete emotional wreck today. Life sucks.

Home sweet home

After nine days of almost non-stop driving through torrential rain, sunny weather, scattered showers, cloudy days; throughout which we consumed way too many McDonald’s meals, Tim Horton’s/Starbucks coffee, donuts, chips, apples (Zoya ate three apples one day!), grapes, chanachur, cookies, Chinese food, awesome Indian food (One night in Montreal and one night in Toronto), and of course yummy homemade Biryani, shutki vorta along with other types of vorta; which took us to Centre Island, to African Lion Safari, to Montreal, to BioDome, to the Botanical Garden, to the Olympic Stadium, to visit family and friends; we are back home!

Highlights of the vacation:

• Raffae became a lion
  
• Zoya became known as the "Apple Baby"
  
• Raffae loves his cousins and cried for half an hour when we left Toronto.
  
• Tanveer is a lean mean driving machine!
  
• Raffae drove a car
  
• Zoya saw an "Ocean"
  
• I got THREE beautiful sarees as gifts!
  
• The weather in Montral sucked! Rained! We couldn't walk the city streets to our hearts content
  
• My mom found peace in Japanese garden
  
• My sister got "Kankles"
  
• My mil is in love with Montreal
  

Stay tuned for pictures!!!!! Hundreds of them! :-D

Words of wisdom from a three year old

Raffae broke one of his crayons this morning. When I tried to peel the paper away to get to the broken end, he screamed "Mommy, you can't peel it! It's not a BANANA!!!!" :-D

The Awful Truth

I went to the doctor last week. The assistant who came to check my pulse, blood pressure etc asked how tall I was and I said 5’2”. She looked at me and said lets measure you. I stepped under the measurement tape with a little smirk on my face. Then she said “Well, you are actually 5’ 1.5”. I guess you always round it up.”

Three things:
1) I swear on my kids I don’t remember rounding it up! My sister and I used to measure ourselves a lot growing up to see who is taller. We were always just about the same height and she always wanted to claim that she was taller. (She still is not btw). I know I am 5’ 2”
2) What does it matter even if I am .5” shorter? How does that affect my health?!
3) I guess I lied to Tanveer also. Baby, I am .5” shorter. Is that ok with you?

Friends

Anyone remembers my resolution earlier this year to get in touch with my friends? Well, I think I can safely check it off as DONE and it’s only May!!!!!!!!! :-) How it happened you ask? To begin with, I finally joined Facebook. (The average age of Facebook users also jumped up I hear the day I joined!! Hehehe…) An old high school friend found me from a group I became member of. Through him, I got in touch with two other friends! Saw their kids’ pictures, exchanged emails, even talked on the phone!

Couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a friend who saw my email address from another friend’s mass email and took the time to write to me. Glad to say, we are emailing each other regularly.

Then last week, I was in Dallas for work. I knew another friend from elementary days lives in Texas, but I wasn’t sure which city. Turned out she is in Dallas and I absolutely had to see her!!! Her kids are adorable. I’ll have to figure out how to post videos on here so I can show you the little dance number one of the kids performed for me!!! From my friend, I got the phone numbers for two other friends. I was able to talk to one of them and I am planning on calling the other one soon.

Remember that little rhyme that goes:

Make new friends
Keep the old
If these are silver
Those are gold

Whoever coined that rhyme knew from experience what he/she was talking about. Old friends are the best. I met some of these friends after like 15/19 years and it felt like we never lost touch.

There is one other friend in Bangladesh that I need to get it touch with. That’s my next project.

I love Technology!!!!!!

I was surfing the web for a handheld vacuum for my car and I found this. What will they think of next?? :-D

On Pins and Needles again

Zoya’s Pediatrician called this morning. She has some new information from the health department and wants to run some tests to see if Zoya has this disorder which would explain all her past medical history. On one hand, this new one seems to fit her. On the other hand, this means taking her to the doctor’s office/hospital again and she soooooooo hates it. I don’t want to put her through any more than she already has been, but a definite answer would put to rest so many unanswered questions/self doubts. It would also mean we can help her more. I need to be strong for this.

My handsome little guy!!

Bangladesh beat South Africa on Saturday in World Cup Cricket! I can just see the ear to ear grin on all Bangladeshis!!! Here is my little Bangladesh supporter.






I had to switch the tshirt around because he got upset that he couldn't see "Bangladesh"! :-D

Future Bollywood Star??

Amazingly I speak English even though I am brown skinned!!!!!!!!

As I was getting into my car this morning, a school bus came and stopped right behind me. The driver, an older white woman, slid open the window, said “Excuse me”. As I turned towards her, she looked at me, hesitated for 5 seconds (She really did, it was quite obvious) and then asked me “Do you speak English?”!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was leaving for work. I was dressed appropriately for work. I had my laptop bag on my shoulder. There was no way I could have been mistaken as a maid or a nanny or whatever else she thinks brown skin people do.

At the time I thought it was quite hilarious! She wanted to know where the Elementary school was. I gave her directions and we were both on our way. Then I started thinking about it and got more and more upset! I should have told her, “No, I don’t speak English” and driven away. I’ve had people tell me numerous times that my English is perfect or I speak English well! You know what?! I hate that too. Just because I am brown I am supposed to talk with an accent?! Arrrgggghhh!!

I know I am just ranting! Now let me go back to my work where I should get paid more since I have this amazing ability of speaking English even though I am brown.

He LOVES me!!!

Tanveer got me the Casino Royale DVD yesterday knowing how much I lust after Daniel Craig!! ;-) How can you not love a guy who is that confidant about his own MoJo??!! :-P Funny thing is Tanveer and Daniel share the same birthday! What can I say! I like my March 2nd boys..... ;-)

Creepy Helicopters

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and couldn’t sleep anymore. So I thought I’d get to work early and maybe put a dent on my to-do list. Well, traffic was worse than usual which is saying a lot as you might or might not know that DC area has the second worst traffic in US!! Heard on the radio that there was an accident ahead of me, which explained the traffic jam. As I neared the accident scene, I saw two news channel helicopters hovering over the accident area. That just creeps me out. Does it bother anyone else!? They make me think of vultures somehow! I see those helicopters a lot during my rush hour commute since all the news channels are now into "bringing you real-time traffic news". I just can’t get used to them somehow! I think because when I see them, I know there is something bad going on, and that translates to my dislike of them. Needless to say, despite my efforts, I still got to work late and now I am dragging since I woke up so early today! I just can’t win!

Raffae

Raffae wrote his name and Zoya's name without any help or guidance the other day!!!!!! Keep in mind he is only three and a half years old!!!! Couple of weeks ago, I noticed he is trying to spell anything and everything. We got him some books and things where he could trace the letters. As you can see he has been practicing diligently!! I am sooooooo proud of him! My baby is growing up so fast!

Rebirth of ZeeNotes??

I have been thinking about ending my blog stint for a while now. The problems are multi-fold:

• I have no time to update it regularly
  
• If I want to update it, I don’t have anything to write about!
  
• If I write up a post, it’s just BLAH!
  
• No one leaves a comment on my BLAH post, so I don’t really know if anyone is out there reading my blog.
  

Vain, I know! But I don’t want to write posts for myself only! That’s what diaries are for! I thought I’d post a “The End” on my blog and let it rest in peace. Two things happened today to change my mind:

• Simika left a comment on my last post asking why I am not updating anymore?
  
• I found a link to ZeeNotes on Friends and Daily Reads list on Tasnuva’s blog. Tasnuva, you are brilliant by the way!
  

Now I can’t let down TWO avid readers of ZeeNotes, can I?! :-P Guys, I'll be back with an amazing picture and a story to go with it very soon. Till then, hang on!

Love to you two for saving ZeeNotes!

About time!!!

Tintin in the news

Daniel Craig doubles?!

Just found this on the web. There are two other people that look like Daniel Craig??!!! Oh the joy!!!!!!!! :-D Who are these people?? Where do they live?

Facing my fears one at a time

I faced one of my fears yesterday – water; more specifically, swimming pool. I registered for a swimming class and yesterday was the first class. I was really scared thinking I wasn’t going to be able to take my feet off of the floor! But I did and I had fun! Man, swimming is hard! I was sooooooo tired by the time I came back home. I have to find some time to go back to the swimming pool and practice before next week’s class.

With swimming lessons in progress, next I guess I’ll have to get myself a bike! Yes I can’t bike either!!!!!!!! I was a bookworm growing up! I could probably name the capital of all the countries of the world. Almost all of them at least. So there….

Be careful what you wish for

Tanveer has always been a generous gift giver. Every birthday, anniversary, mother’s day, I get something really nice. Over the years, I’ve received jewelry, watches, purses etc. While I appreciate them very much, it became predictable over time! I have suggested to him in the past that maybe he could get me lots of little things that would show that he actually spent time thinking about what to get me. With our tenth anniversary approaching, he decided to do just that for me!

Off he went to Barnes and Noble and got me “The Memory Keeper’s Daughter”. He went to Bath and Body Shop and got me a body lotion, a hand lotion, a bubble bath foam, a body scrub, and a nice bright red tote bag. He then decided to go to Target to get a cover for my iPod which has been getting scratched since I toss it is my purse, my laptop bag etc. He got that and also picked up Grey’s Anatomy Season 1 DVD. He was on his way down on the escalators when he heard a noise behind him. He turned to find a shopping cart scrambling down towards him on the escalator. He said he realized he had about 4/5 seconds before the cart would hit him. Realizing he won’t be able to stop the cart with his hands, he braced himself for the impact. The cart hit him on his back, right in the middle! There were things flying out of the cart that started hitting him even before the cart hit him. This stupid lady was trying to bring her shopping cart down with her on the escalator and lost control!!!!!!!! Can you believe that?!!! My poor baby was in pain for three days!!!!!! Being the gentleman he is he didn’t say a single bad thing to the woman. (I probably would have scratched her eyes out if I were there!) Thank God that he didn’t fall down from the escalator or sustain severe injury! I told him for Mother’s Day, he can go back to the Coach store and get me another purse. ;-)

Catching up on my movies

Have you seen "Little Miss Sunshine"?? If not, I'd strongly recommend watching it! I loved that little girl. She is just sooooo adorable! I want her to win the Oscar.

Also watched "In Persuit of Happiness". I want Will Smith to win the Oscar also!! :-P

What does love mean to you??

To me love is postponing all plans for our tenth anniversary without a moments hesitation because Zoya has a fever.

Love is giving Raffae Oreo cookies for lunch cause he is sick also and is not eating at all.

Love is my mom making special dishes for our anniversary.

Love is all the calls/text messages/emails we received today.

Love is knowing a guy for eighteen years, being married to him for ten years and still falling head over heels in love with him every day. :-)

Ok, maybe not every day, but today for sure :-P

My life

My social life has seen quite a drastic change in the last couple of weeks. Couple of weeks ago, I went to have lunch with two of my friends. We went to a really cozy place called "Cafe Hon"!! The food was really really good. We then ended up in an open call for a movie audition! One of my friends knew the people in charge and we watched people auditioning for parts in the movie. It was hilarious to watch people say their lines. Almost like American Idol where people really believe that they can sing, but really don't have any talents.

Then last night, Tanveer and I went to watch a Violin Concert at the Library of Congress which was really awsome. We them met up with couple of friends and went to a lounge to hang out. I had the most decadent chocolate cake there!

Tonight my brother in law and his fiance are coming over and we might go out to watch a movie. My social life has not seen these many events in a month in a long, long, long time! Could I really be getting my life back??? We are trying to make some changes to our lives and this was one of the things we wanted back desparately: to be able to go out and have some time to ourselves without the kids, enjoy adult company without feeling guilty about it! Lets hope we can keep it up.

Zoya on American Idol

If there was no age limit, I’d have taken Zoya to audition for American Idol this year. You want to know what she would have sung??

Twa, twa
How I
Up up up
Da da da
Twa twa
How I

cap, cap, cap
Job!!!!!!!

Translation:

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are

Clap, clap, clap
Good job!!!!!!!!!!!

Simon would not have said “I couldn’t understand a word of that song!!” cause she looks absolutely adorable singing it! She does hand gestures too. :-D

Bored and brain dead at work

Katie literally read my mind when she wrote up this post. I don’t know what the reason is behind my blog anymore. I read back some of my old posts and it all reads like mindless ramblings, hence the new description on the blog! I haven’t seen much comments from readers recently either. What an attention craving blogger to do??!! Come on guys! I need some support, even if it is not 100% honest! Alright, how about if I make my blog sort of interactive? Ok here we go:

So here are the main themes of some of the things I am thinking about writing in the next couple of posts. Tanveer attacked by a shopping cart in Target. Zoya on American Idol. Making changes to our lives. Which one do you want to know about?? Leave a comment and I’ll oblige accordingly in my later posts.

Can't wait for July!!!!!!!!!!!

The fifth movie of the Harry Potter series is coming out on the 13th and the last book is coming out on the 21st!!!! Yipeeeeeeeeee!!! Speaking of Harry Potter, anyone seen the pictures of Daniel for his upcoming theatre role? The boy has grown up for sure!!!!! Anyway, going back to July, I think for Raffae's bday this year (which happens to be July 22nd), the theme HAS to be Harry Potter. Hopefully, I'll be done reading the book by then. Otherwise, I'll have to cancel it at the last moment!!!!! I'm sure guests wouldn't like their hostess to be reading during the party!

Stressed out

I’m so so restless. Things are up in the air - both at work and in our personal lives. We are trying to make some big changes to our personal lives. Can’t make a lot of decisions until work situations sort themselves out. And then there’s potty training! I am about to give up hope on Rafffae ever being potty trained! I think he has decided to go to elementary school in diapers! Nothing is working. We have tried anything and everything we can think of and people told us to do. As a last resort, I took away his diapers yesterday. I declared that he will only wear diaper when he goes to pre-school twice a week. I had a long conversation with him about what to do. Then, later in the evening …… well, lets just say I am thankful that I have hardwood floors and not carpet in my house. Any other suggestions from moms out there?

Goose Frava....

Sometimes I am really mean to people. This morning, someone called our home phone. When I answered the phone, the person on the other side of the line just hung up without a word. I figured he/she realized that it was not the correct number. Before I could turn away from the phone, it rang again. I saw from the caller ID that it was the same person calling back. Again I answered the phone and promptly I heard a click. That just pissed me off so much that I called the number back. A guy answered with an awkward “Hi”. I asked him if he had called my number. He said “Yes, but I think I got the number wrong.” I was so annoyed that I told him, not in a pleasant tone I assure you, that next time he calls a wrong number early in the morning; he should at least have the decency to apologize before hanging up. With that, I hung up the phone on him. Do I have anger management issues?? Or was my reaction justifiable?

Happy New Year

Wow! It’s been a month since I last posted on ZeeNotes. Things were crazy at work last month. The first phase of the project I am working on went live on Dec 13th, so everyone at work was literally camping out at the office. We had some long nights, lots of hard work, consumed gallons of coffee and soda, ate tons of Pizza and got this damn project up and running!!!!!! It was a great feeling. Fannie was the best thing that happened to me in 2006. Before Fannie Mae, I was stuck in a job that I hated and I was working with people that I didn’t quite like. I came to Fannie to do something different and ended up in a totally awesome project, working with a great bunch of intelligent people. I worked my butt off on this project and am very satisfied with the way my professional life is heading.

And then I got sick! Both Tanveer and I were sick like dogs for the last half of December. We ushered in 2007 amongst tissues, Nyquil, comforters and pillows!!! Some of us even went to sleep before the ball dropped!!! I am back to work now and knee deep into Phase 2 already!

So how is 2007 going for you so far? Are you still keeping your resolutions?? I broke my rule and made couple of resolutions this year! I know I’ll break half of them before January ends, but at least if I don’t try, it’s not going to happen at all! One of my resolutions is to get in touch with friends and family this year. I’ve written about this before also. I have lost touch with friends in the last couple of years and it is mostly my fault. I am just too busy with kids, commute and work. But I am determined to get back on track this year. I was always known for remembering everyone’s and their neighbor’s birthdays and I don’t think I even called all my close friends last year to wish them a happy birthday!!!!!!!!!! I am surprised that they still reply to my emails every once in a while! ;-) So there! It’s out in the open. If I miss your birthday again this year, I’ll completely understand if you don’t send me an email ever.

Which ones do you remember?

I am sure you all have seen this already. I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story. It got me thinking. What are the news events that I remember very vividly from my past? Here are some of them:

• The Uruguayan rugby team plane crash in Andes – I read about this when I was about 7/8 years old. There were lots of old Reader’s Digests in my grandfather’s house and I somehow stumbled upon an issue that had this story. I remember the pictures from that issue still quite vividly. I wish I had saved that magazine. Needless to say, I watch “Alive” every time it is on TV.

• The Challenger crash – Anyone my age should probably remember this. I always tell people that I’d love to go to the orbit and see the earth from above. I think the Challenger incident is the inspiration behind this. I was excited about the mission cause it involved the first ever civilian going to space. Before, I guess I knew I would never be an astronaut, but with a civilian in the crew, I think all of a sudden I realized that there still might be a way for me to go to space!!!! Now if I only had about $20 million handy and I was couple of inches taller, my dream wouldn’t have been that far from reality!

• Charles and Diana Wedding – Which little girl wouldn’t like the fairytale wedding they had?! I remember I went to the mall with my mom and a lot of the stores were closing early so they could go home and watch the wedding. We hurried back home too.

• Idi Amin – I was scared of Idi Amin! I must have heard someone talk about him. I don’t think I even knew who he was. I just knew that he was into “cannibalism” and that was enough to make me scared of him at that early age.

• 9/11 – enough said.

Proud Mommy

Raffae was watching Shrek 2 over the weekend. He used to watch it a lot when he was lot younger. I guess he forgot the story or was just too young to follow the storyline earlier. At the end, when Shrek takes the potion and turns into a human, he kept saying “Mommy, where is Shrek?”, “Oh no! Shrek is gone”, “Mommy, we need to find Shrek”. I was doing other stuff and wasn’t really looking at him when I was trying to explain to him that Shrek just looks different, but he is still very much there. The last thing he said to me was “Mommy, we have to fix it!!!!!” and then … I heard a sob!!! I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes. I asked him ofcourse why he was crying and that just opened the floodgate!!!!!!!!!! He was soooooo very upset. He was crying uncontrollably! My mom came downstairs thinking he got hurt. Both my mom and my mother-in-law always say that Raffae is very kind hearted (“Or mon ta khub norom”). I know he gets attached to people very quickly. But this was still so unexpected. I was proud of him that he cares so much for others. At the same time I was worried thinking life would be cruel to him. He will get hurt a lot by being so sensitive.

Different faces of grief

My mom has been depressed for the past two weeks. She misses Bangladesh, she misses my dad, she misses being able to pick up the phone and calling up her friends, she misses taking a rickshaw and going over to visit her family and friends. I've been trying everything I can think of to cheer her up. It's just not working. I am now getting depressed seeing her sad all the time. I miss my dad too, but I feel like I can’t really express my feelings to her because then it will make her even sadder than she already is. How do you make the pain of losing someway go away? It’s been a year and a half almost and I still feel the pain as raw and violently as I did the day he passed away. I can't even imagine what she feels like. I find myself trying to work longer hours so that I don’t have to go home and see my mom’s sad face. I feel horrible.

I miss you Abbu

I miss hearing your voice. I miss talking to you. I miss the smell of your cologne, mixed with soap. I miss your smile. I miss our conversations. I miss how you never used to finish a sentence. I miss eating from your plate. I miss holding your hand. I miss your honesty. I miss your simplicity. I miss your naivety. I miss your child like curiosity. I miss picking out your gray hair. I miss your delight in simple things. I miss your love.

It's COLD ......

High 29 degrees today and breezy!!!!! Windchill will make it feel like 17 degrees!! I think I am going to stay in the hotel today!!

"Happy Halloheen"

I'm in Chicago this week. So busy working and missing out on "Halloheen" as Raffae calls it. Hubby took the kids out for Trick or Treating tonight. Zoya I think thought she was just going out for a walk, so she stayed on our usual walking route and led Raffae and Tanveer back home!! :-) Tanveer then left her home with my mom and took Raffae out. Raffae said "I'm not scared" in front of houses that were decorated but then stayed back a little!!! :-D So much for dressing up as Superman!! I thought he would go for Scooby Doo or even Spiderman, but he was just determined that he wanted to dress up as Superman when I took him to the store to get him a costume!

We went to an orchard nearby our house on Sunday. They had hay rides, pony rides, face painting, animal petting etc. The kids had fun there too!! Halloween is becoming more and more fun every year!!!!!

Don't my Mini Mouse and Superman look adorable?!!! :-)

Keeping warm on this cold, cold day .....

with love! Today is my birthday. I am a big sucker for birthdays. I thought this year there won't be any celebration as hubby is out of town. To my surprise, my co-workers got me a cake. A lot of people called to wish me a happy birthday, some even from Bangladesh! And then when I got home, I was greeted with a card and a smile from Raffae. My mom helped him make the card. She said she had told Raffae that today is Mommy's birthday and he has been saying "Mommy happy Birthday, candle on cake" all day!! She had asked me to bring a small cake on my way home, which I did. We put a candle on the cake, cut it and then Raffae blew the candle off. Then my mom brought out the special dishes she had made for me!! I am so very blessed to have such loving family and friends.

Happy tears

I don't remember how I got to her blog, but I have already spent quite some time on it today and will read all her posts tonight. This one in particular, brought tears to my eyes.

Bagher Bachcha

Thank you Dr. Yunus for everything you have done for Bangladesh.

Apple of my eye

My baby is growing up way too fast! This picture was taken on her 2nd birthday. She is going through some rough times. She can't communicate efficiently what she wants and throws tantrums a lot nowadays. Sometimes it's really nervewrecking to handle her. If she could have her way, she would surgically have herself attached to mommy!! Mommy gets impatient at times, but baby, as soon as mommy sees this picture of yours, she forgets everything. You are mommy's favorite girl!

Need a lifestyle change

I have been worried about my health in general recently. With two kids back to back, I have put on some weight and have been carrying it around with me for the past three years! My family has all kinds of nasty history of Heart Diseases, Cancer, Diabetes, Glucoma, Arthritis…basically you name it and someone in the family has it! I keep thinking I need to start going to the gym regularly and get this extra 25 pounds off of me. I keep telling myself I need to start eating healthier, but forget that as soon as I see the chocolate cake in the cafeteria. I’ve become increasingly depressed, worried in the last month or so about my health. I need to go get my annual check up done and I think my sixth sense is telling me that this year, I’m going to get some bad news. If I had to bet, I’d put my money on high cholesterol. Of course, I’m putting off making that appointment. Then I got a wake up call yesterday. Someone whom I knew in Bangladesh died of heart attack last week. He was my classmate.

Vacay!!!

There is so much I want to say and write, but have no time! So here are couple of highlights to keep you all updated:

1) I have a three year old who is absolutely in love with Eiffel Tower.
2) Those souveniers do not come anywhere near the real thing!
3) Paris is cool beyond words.
4) I went to the Red Light District in Amsterdam!!
5) Raffae is driving me nuts with his constant chatter.
6) My friend Tanya's kids are absolutely adorable!

Stay tuned for over 340 pictures and counting..........

His first icecream

Raffae had his first icecream the other day! That kid of mine is weird! I mean what kid doesn't like icecream!!!!!!!! Those of you that don't know him, he is by far the pickiest eater I know of! Up until couple of months ago, he only ate things that are white! Yes, you read that right. WHITE! And it has to be crunchy, or atleast solid. No liquid beside milk and water ever went down his throat!! We took the kids to the Zoo over the weekend. I guess he saw other kids eating icecream and felt adventures enough to try one himself! I wish we had taken a camera or something to hold that image forever!!!!

JonBenet

I am very, very saddened by the news of the arrest in JonBenet case. Ever since I had Zoya, anything horrible I hear concerning a little girl, I ofcourse think of all the what-ifs and it just kills me. Hearing the news of the arrest on the radio on my way to work this morning, I was reminded of all those videos of JonBenet walking down the pageant isle, the home videos, her pictures on front of every magazine and newspaper on the stand. Everyone I am sure remembers who JonBenet is. You don’t need to jog anyone’s memory! I thought about her parents and was startled by the realization that her mother passed away earlier this year without knowing that her daughter’s murderer was found. What agony they must have gone through all these years, with the media always keeping them in the limelight with false accusations and conjectures. At the time, I disliked Patsy thinking how could you let a six year old go to these pageants, what are you really teaching your kid by doing this?! But the fact that she passed away not knowing that her name has been cleared of accusations is bothering me. Ten years! Wow! I hope the family is not reliving every horrible second of that day today. I hope the paparazzis leave them alone, let them have some much deserved peace and quiet.

(Updated 8/22/06) What in the world! I just read that the guy's family is producing a picture of his three sons taken during Christmas 2001 in Georgia or some other place and they are saying if his sons were in Gorgia, so was he. Otherwise, the family would have remembered his absense! Agggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Hate this! No matter what, that guy is creepy! He said he loved JonBenet! Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Sick!

I want to be a better person

We were watching Hotel Rwanda the other night. I tear up every time I see this movie. We recently bought the DVD, so this time we watched the “Special Features” which included interviews of the real Paul Rusesabagina. What a humble person! He is so above the average person, yet so very non-judgmental, very diplomatic. Considering the fact that the world leaders left him, you would think he would be sarcastic, cynical; yet he exudes honesty, an openness that is really rare. If I were in his situation, I probably would have been on the first bus out of the hotel! We are so materialistic, image concious nowadays that we forget what REALLY is important - who we are as human beings. I've read recently that there is a "campaign" going on to smear his name. People are saying that the story has been distorted, he didn't do as much as the movie depicts, that he only helped his friends etc. The person I saw talking on the special feature the other day I think is not capable of doing such things. He didn't start an effort on his own to save people from the mass killings, the situation sort of chose him. What is remarkable is that he rose above his reservations and tried his best to help other people in need. He trully is a real-life hero and he inspires me to be a better person.

An Island

I have come to a realization over the past couple of days. Over the years, my “friends” list has dwindled down as I became more and more involved with my family. Now I feel like my family list is growing shorter by the day! I’ve been living in the US for over 13 years now. With each year, I feel like my tie with the extended family has been wearing out. With my grandmother’s death, I all of a sudden realized the number of people that really, really care about me, that would call 911 if they don’t hear from me on a regular basis or if I don’t go home tonight, is dangerously close to single digit! I feel like I am gradually becoming an island, slowly separating from the mainland. This is making me really, really sad. Am I over-reacting because I am upset, emotional right now? Am I on the verge of Depression? Am I acting spoiled ‘cause I know there are people out there who really are all alone in this world.

Bubu

My world has been turned upside down again. My dadi (grandmother) passed away yesterday after suffering for a long, long, long, long time. She was my first ever friend. I grew up in a joint family. So she literally raised me. I have so many fond memories of her that I'll cherish all my life. May God give her much deserved peace.

Dreading...waiting

I am dreading the arrival of July 3rd. Can't believe it already has been a year since the day I lost my father. I know my mom is going to be sad that day. My sister is coming over on the 1st. So atleast I don't have to handle my mom all alone. I don't know how I am going to handle it though. I am usully not an emotional wreck, but this is a first. Unknown territory. I know I will be playing scenes from that day over and over in my head. I still can't get over the fact that I would never see him again. I wish I knew for sure that he did not have any regrets. The fact that he couldn't talk in his last days weighs heavily on my mind when I think about it. Would he have said things to us in his last days? Would he have asked me to take care of my mom and my sister? Did he want to see his mother one last time? Should I have taken Raffae and Zoya with me to Bangladesh so that he could have seen them one last time? Was he too much in pain to even think about these simple things? I read Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" recently. I hope Abbu is waiting there in line for me. I so hope he is.

Hollywood vs. Bollywood

My mom was watching some Bollywood award show this morning. In between eating my breakfast, making coffee, I was taking in some of the hoopla. All the Indian actors, actresses decked out in their best outfits and jewelry, all the crazy dancing going on onstage. At one point, I started noticing all the actresses in their ever shrinking outfits had curves in the right places, even a small womanly pouch! I stopped and watched the next couple of dances and yes they all had some meat on them. I found it quite refreshing compared to the ever shrinking bodies of the Hollywood actresses! I think I’ll make Zoya watch Bollywood movies till she gets it in her head that being a size 0 or a size 2 is not necessarily a good thing. Now what to do about all the crazy outfits the Indian actresses are sporting nowadays?! Sigh. There’s always a catch!

Tidbits and others

I’ve been writing my posts in my head for the past couple of weeks! I keep thinking I am going to go home and write this idea down, but once I get home, I am busy playing with the kids or cleaning or cooking etc. So I decided to just write it all out today at work!!! Hehehehe. It’s Friday and I have been working extra hard last couple of weeks! I can play hookie for a little bit! So this post is going to be random thoughts, ideas, information, thrown together at the whim of the creator!

Speaking of creator, I was listening to an interview on NPR. They were talking about going to the moon to look for early earth rocks containing signs of life! I know crazy idea, but they had some valid arguments! You can listen to it here if you are interested. Anyways, listening to this, I experienced a moment of sheer panic! I was thinking what if in my lifetime, we find some intelligent life in some distant corner (or not so distant) of the universe??!! I literally felt chills going up and down my spine! What a scary yet exciting moment would that be! I am not a trekki, but I have seen enough Star Trek to color my imagination! I think I’d rather find some sort of “dumb bugs” on some other planet than some form of intelligent life!!!!!!!!! Which in turn made me think why do I feel the need to be superior to some other species?! What gives me the right to feel so proud of being the only known form of life in this whole big universe?! We are nothing but a grain of sand compared to the vastness of the universe! Now that is a scary thought! There’s got to be someone somewhere sitting there, looking at us, laughing his/her head off at our stupidity in thinking that we are intelligent enough to create, invent, discover all there is on this earth. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I am really freaking out thinking about this! Let me think about something else!

Lets talk about Zoya now. BIG NEWS! She is talking! She has about 4/5 distinguishable words now! She says “Hi”, “Mama”, “Papa”, “Bebe” (baby), “shee” (shoe). She definitely understands a lot more. If we say “Lets go”, she runs to the front door and stands there with her hand on the doorknob, looking at us, with a smile on her face! If I say “Pani Khabe? (Do you want a drink?), she will look at the kitchen counter and look for her sippy cup. When we say “night night Zoya”, she will run to the stairs and start climbing! I can’t tell you what a big relief that is to us that she is finally talking! She loves looking at books. She loves playing with her mega blocks too.

Raffae has become a constant source of chatter in the house!!!!!!!!!! :-D Right now he is learning that Papa and Raffae are boys and mommy and Zoya are girls! Every now and then he forgets and says “papa is a girl” or “mommy is a boy”! He has become a BIG computer hogger! He can spend literally hours on the computer! I was working from home one day last week and he wanted to sit at the table with mommy. He played for 2.5 hours straight! Is there any study out there that’s going to make me into a criminal for letting a 2.75 year old play online for that long?! :-P He says “Bess You mommy/papa/nanu/zoya” when we sneeze. He even says “Bess you Raffae” when he sneezes! Hahahaha. He passes gas and says “scuse me” with a naughty look on his face! He is becoming much better at sharing toys and stuff with Zoya.

Work is becoming more and more stressful! I’ve been feeling completely drained lately. By the time I get home, I am just sooooooo exhausted mentally that I don’t feel like doing anything. I just play with the kids for a little bit, give them dinner, get them ready for the bed and then hit the bed myself! This means, I’ve been piling up house chores! Yikes! My sister and her hubby are coming to visit us next week! I’ll be doing lots of cleaning and tidying up this weekend!

Planning to watch “Da Vinci Code” tonight. I was telling Tanveer that I wanted to read the book before watching the movie. He brought up a good point. He said the movie obviously is not going to be as great as the book. He doesn’t want all the details of the book fresh in his mind when he goes to watch the movie! Smart man!

I feel like taking up knitting. I know the basics. My mom is a knitting wiz. I remember seeing the needles dancing away effortlessly in her hands as she would be watching tv or reading a book! She made sweaters, shawls, caps, gloves, scarves for everyone in the extended family every winter! I think I need to have a chat with her.

Speaking of mom, we had a wonderful Mother’s Day Brunch with all the moms and daughters in the family. Here’s a picture of Zoya and her cousin Priya at the brunch. My brother-in-law commented seeing this picture that he can just picture these two sitting like this and talking about boys in less than 12 years! Yikes!

Tribute to a Stranger

I was seated on the plane, waiting for it to take off and crying silent tears. I had just buried my father that very same day. I had thought about changing my ticket, stay with my mom and my sister, and console them. But I had other responsibilities waiting for me in US. Zoya's surgery was scheduled for later that week. I had to leave everyone just hours into mourning and fly back to US.

All of a sudden, the young man seated next to me tapped me on my shoulder and asked in a very gentle voice if I was ok. All I could do was shake my head and cry more. He got up and got me some napkins from the Air Hostess. In between sobs I told him I had just lost my father. He told me how he lost his father when he was very young and told me he knew exactly what I was feeling. He kept me engaged in conversation all the way to Dubai, then asked me if I wanted to join him and walk around the airport. I found out he was going to school in Canada, (I think University of Toronto) studying to be an Actuary. His name was Yaseer.

I was thinking about him sometime last week. We departed in Dubai Airport saying we will meet up at the boarding gate. We were on the same plane to London. I was exhausted from the ordeal of the whole day. I boarded the plane early thinking he will come looking for me and fell asleep. He probably thought I was ignoring him or something. Who knows? But I never got to properly say thanks to him. Yaseer, thank you very much for your kindness that day. I wish you all the best in life and I hope I run into you some day.

Clouds

I read a science fiction loooong time ago when I was a kid. The family lived on a spaceship and stopped next to clouds to take baths!! I had an image of that stuck it in my head permanently!! Seemed like such a luxury! Everytime I fly, evrytime the plane passes clouds, I wish I could lay down in a cloud someday! :-) Anyone else has any other crazy ideas like this?

Windy City Updates

Look what I am missing out on by being in Chicago! Tanveer took this picture last night and sent it to me! I love you babies! Mommy will be home soon!

Now for the updates! I have more free time on my hands than I know what to do with! I've been walking around Downtown Chicago last couple of nights. I walked up and down Michigan Avenue the other night, shopping paradise for those of you that are unfamiliar with Chicago. By the time I got to the Cartier store front, the store was closed and all the display cases were empty! I need to go back early one of these days just to drool over their stuff! ;-) I went to the American Girl Place! Oh My God! I wanted to buy ALL the dolls they had for Zoya! Then watching other girls picking out their dolls and accessories, I realized that she needs to experience and remember her first trip to the American Girl Place. I think we will make it her special treat for her fifth birthday! :-)

Then I went to the Lego store. I wasn't that impressed with the store itself, but the different things they had all around the mall (made of legos) were amazing! They had a big spider, R2D2, Darth Vader, man sitting on a bench, a dog, a mini replica of Chicago downtown!

I found an awsome Thai place to have dinner one night. I asked them to make my food extra spicy and boy did they make it spicy! It was gooooooooood!! Compared to that, dinner from "The best of Chicago Originals" Harry Carry was bland tonight. I do realize I might just have ordered the wrong dish. I also found an indian restaurant named Gaylord Cafe. The thought of "Gaylord Cafe" showing up on my expense report stopped me from going in! ;-)

I've been watching lot more TV too! I find myself watching news and movies more than the series ones. I guess because I don't normally watch TV much nowadays so I really don't know what's good or worth watching! I always like news shows though. I was a big Dateline junkie until Tanveer made so much fun of Stone Phillips that I stopped watching! Anyways, I'm going off on tangent! I'm sure everyone is writing about Katie Couric, Tom Delay. I'll tell you what caught my eye on the news, some real weird news and funny coincidences! I think just last week or so I was wondering about Jill Caroll. I thought I must have missed whatever happened to her. Then I saw her on TV the other day! What a coincidence! She was released! Wow! What an ordeal she must have gone through! Then this morning I watched on CNN (with my jaw on the floor) the arrest of a Deputy Press Secretary of Homeland Security for soliciting sex from someone he believed to be a 14 year old girl on the internet! He sent her his photograph wearing his DHS badge and sent her his work and Govt provided cell phone number! What the hell! This can't be his first try! How in the world did he pass the security clearance?? Isn't FBI part of Homeland Security? He was right under their nose all this time and no one ever saw, heard, felt anything!?? Makes me sick!

Another funny coincident involved Midway airport. I was telling Tanveer after my first trip to Chicago how I thought we were going to crash on someone's house cause the houses are really close to the airport! I mean really really close! Look at tha picture! Then watching local news this morning, I found out they are thinking about putting up some special type of concrete at the end of the runways to stop planes from running out of bounds. This cement is supposed to crumble under the weight of the plane, slowing it down in the process. Remember last December, a plane skidded off of the runway and crashed into a car, killing a 6 year old boy? That was Midway!!!!! Now if only they can make sure that planes stay on the runways when they are skidding/running out of bounds! :-P

I have started reading "The Time Traveller's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. It's based in Chicago! Think coincidence?! I think not! Chicago is my fate!!!!!!!!!!

This day really needs to get better!

I flew out to Chicago again today. I took a 6:20 am flight which means I had to get up at 3:30 am! Well, I didn't get to bed till about 12:18 am last night cause both the kids woke up and we just couldn't get them down! So I am sleep deprived and my brain is not quite at the functioning level! I get out of the plane and don't see my co-worker. Usually we just meet up when we get to Chicago as we both try to nap on the plane to make up for the rude 3:30 wake up call! So after waiting for some time, I thought I might have missed him and I start walking towards Potbelly where we normally have breakfast. He isn't there either. Hmmm... Ok, I thought I'd just have breakfast and see if he shows up or what! In the middle of my breakfast, he calls me! He is not coming to Chicago till TOMORROW morning! He sent out an email over the weekend to our manager, but forgot to cc me on it! Ok, not a problem I said. I'll work with one of the contractors today. Oh wait, he says, ummm .... he (the contractor) is not going to be in Chicago till tomorrow either! Great! I am in Chicago, with nothing to do, but I still need to sit here till about 5:00! Just awsome!

I get out of the airport. It's windy as hell AND raining! Cab ride to work is slow. The fare is usually about $24/$25 and I had $30 out. I didn't realize that the meter was reading $29.65!! Before I could get any more money out, the cabbie starts yelling at me for not tipping him enough! I hastily took some more money out of my purse (standing in rain), gave it to him and asked him to pop the trunk so I could take my suitcase out. He says it's open, but I can't open it to save my life! (Standing in rain, don't forget!) After about half a minute, the trunk actually pops open. I get my suitcase out, spilling my coffee all over it! By this time, my new hair do it all drenched in rain! (I chopped my hair off this weekend. It's about ear length now. Will upload a pic on a good hair day)

Alright, so I manage to get into the office, set up my computer and call in for a weekly status meeting. Since my co-worker is not here, I guess I am the automatic representative for my team and when they called on me for status, I am raking my brain to find something intelligent! My first moment in the spotlight and I bungle it! Woohoo! Things can't get any worse! It will only get better.

After two back to back meetings, I go to the bathroom and my trouser button pops and one of the hooks is coming loose! I can't quite blame them! My bludder can only stretch/hold so much and it has been stretched to the limit today because of the 2.5 hour long meetings! I am just miserable by this time and I decide to have early lunch! ( Read: drown my sorrows with food! Dangerous habit!)

I feel like a roast beef sandwich. Here I am, ten minutes later, typing away at the computer, with my roast beef sandwich unwrapped next to me. Untouched. The meat is bright red! I feel like if I look away for a second, the sandwich would go "moooooooo"!!!! I am debating whether I want to eat it or not. It's definitely going to give me an upset stomach, whether I eat the meat or take it out! I just know it.....

Go Patriots!!!!

Let me first say that I am not a big sports follower, but something my brother-in-law said yesterday stuck with me. He was saying that we know GMU cause we live in Maryland, but to someone from Wisconsin or Minnesota, it's as foreign to them as whatever their smaller universities are to us! Then this morning, I was listening to a piece on NPR about GMU. Seems like they have achieved the unthinkable! I went to George Mason for two years before I transfered over to the terps territory. I loved that quaint, little campus and I was always finding faults with the UMD campus at the beginning. Then slowly, GMU slipped out of my mind. I got used to the Maryland campus. It was everying GMU was not! I think it's time I re-activate my affiliation with George Mason University! :-)

On a different note, go watch "Inside Man" if you haven't already! Insanely entertaining and clever! We were specially thrilled with the song that was played at the beginning and at the end of the movie! :-D I'm not going to spoil it for you! Go watch the movie. It's worth it! Clive Owen is HOT!!! ( Ofcourse not as hot as you baby!! :-P)

Failure as a mother

Within a matter of an hour, one person called me a "lazy mother", then another said I'm "impatient". And then a third comment pretty much said I'm an incompetent mother. Let me just go die somewhere.

Sad

Chicago evoked emotions in me that I wasn't even expecting. Back in third grade, when I was memorizing the name of Sears Tower as the tallest building in the world, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I'd actually be standing in front of it one day. I was proud of my accomplishments, sorrowed by the realization that my father couldn't see my achievements. Today also being the one year mark of Zoya's surgery, made me think of all the "what ifs" of that situation. I wanted to be home with her today, hug her all day. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to be finally sinking my teeth in some work for FM, at the same time, I miss being home, being with the kids. I'll definitely make a stop at the toy store at the airport tomorrow on my way back.

The windy city

I'm enjoying FM so far. I was in Training all last week. Tomorrow, I fly out to Chicago to observe people working on the pilot project. Never been to Chicago before. I'll be there for two days only, so probably won't get much chance for sightseeing. But I do hear there's a mall right across the street from the hotel! :-D I would be going back couple more times in the next couple of months. So do let me know what I should definitely check out.

Food Poisoning?! Heat Stroke? Migrane?

It's been nagging me that I haven't updated my blog for quite some time now. I figured what better time to update than when I am awake at 4:00 in the morning with my stomach churning while the rest of the world sleeps in peace?! :-P I've been busy. With this and that and what not. Today was my first day at FM. Loads of information was provided at Orientation. Hmmmm... I'm thinking whether I want to make you guys green with jealousy, since I am feeling quite green myself at the moment! Hold on.... while I make a quick visit to the bathroom.....

Alright, back for the time being. Here are couple of benefits I am excited about besides all the regular ones:
1) Assistance for buying a house (up to 7%). If I stay with FM for 5 years, the loan is forgiven! :-D (The 7%, not the mortgage!)
2) Flex hours. FM requires employees to be on premise from 10:00-3:00 and then I can do the rest of the 7.5 hours (yes you read it right, 7.5 hours, not 8!!) however I wish.
3) $250 per eye for Laser Vision Correction! I am not sure though if I am ready to part ways with my glasses. We've been together for ages!!

Alright I'll stop now. Other updates:

• My mom is here!!


• I finished reading "The Twentieth Wife". While it was a good read, it left me with an unsatisfied feeling. Lets put it this way: I am in no rush to read the sequel.


• My sil moved her twins bday party to the following weekend. We are thinking about having a bday party for Raffae now since his bday is on a saturday! I am thinking the theme is going to be "Fun with Water"! Can't wait for hot July weather!

EEEEKKKK. It's 4:20! I have to be in training by 8:30! It's raining a little right now, which means the commute tomorrow morning is going to be horrible!! Maybe I should try laying down and see if I can sleep! Alright my friends, wish me luck! Talk to you soon.

Some Raffae Speak

What he says - What he means

ScooDoo Stuck - Scooby Doo Bandaid
sown - Sit down
Peas - Please
Eat - Food
Moster - Monster
Nana - Banana
Drash - Dash from The Incredibles
Peepaw - Fuppi
Pitcher - Picture

Her whole life in two suitcases

They were a young couple with a small child. They rented a room and started their first "shongshar" in Dhaka. That was 1973. Next week, she will be reaching USA with her 36 year old "shongshar", packed in two suitcases. My mom. A teacher. A grandma. A great mother. A widow. I still can't think of her as a widow.

I think relationships between parents and children change as the children enter different stages of their lives. I feel like I never got to know my parents as an adult myself. I left them in 1992, barely out of my teenage years. I didn't spend more then 6 months in a row with them since then. Now I would never have that chance with Abbu. That's why I am really looking forward to my mom spending some time with us. I've heard stories here and there, but this time I want to sit down and ask her questions, get all the details and engrave them in my memory.

Good thing memories don't get put into suitcases.

Syriana, a wounded chin and motherhood

When Batman came out, George Clooney's mother said he has the sexiest chin in hollywood. From then on, I always look at GC's chin first whenever I see him. However when we went to watch Syriana the other night, there was another chin on my mind - Raffae's.

He ran into the couch right when we were about to leave for the movie. Got a big cut on his chin and was crying. He is such a strong kid that usually when he gets hurt, he just gets up, says "oh sorry" and runs off. So when we hear him crying, we know he got really hurt and its bad!

We had already gotten the tickets, so we left him in my mother in laws capable hands and left for the movie. I was feeling really guilty about it. Then came Syriana. Heart wrenching, disturbing, thought provoking, tear jerking Syriana. Made me feel even more guilty about leaving Raffae behind after he got hurt. Also made me think what kind of a future is ahead for him, for his generation.

My day today

6:21 - Got out of bed without waking Raffe up.
6:45 - Got out of shower.
7:00 - Made coffee and listened to the morning news.
8:30 - Left for work.
2:30 - Got a call from Fannie Mae. I got the job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
7:22 - Still can't believe it! :-D I'm very excited about this job. This is something completely new for me. Can't wait till march 13th! I am Fannie Mae's newest Senior IT Policy Analyst! Hehehehehe

The Flying Tomato

I can't wait for the Winter Olympics to start this Friday. Looking forward to seeing the flying tomato in action!! Some time ago, Tanveer and I were watching some show on TV where he was skating down the slope of a mountain! We talked about getting Raffae into something like this when he grows up! Something to channel all the energy he has! Wish us luck!

Blog find of the day

40X365

Sounds interesting! I think I'm going to try and see if I can remember 365 names from my past! Writing 34 words for each would be hard. Maybe I will refine the laws a little! ;-)

What are you afraid of?

Did you hear about the guy who jumped off of the Empire State Building yesterday!?? My mom always says "If someone is brave enough to jump in front of a train or jump off of a bridge/building to commit suicide, what on earth is there that they can't face?" I totally agree with her. He was quite young, 20 I think. What a loss!

The love of my life

Scenario 1: Trying to select which pictures go up on pbase from Tanveer's brother's engagement party, I came across a picture of mine.
Me: "Oh my God! Look at my shoulders! I look like a quarterback!!!"
Tanveer: "Nah... You look like a linebacker".


Scenario 2: Couple of weeks ago I was sick as a dog. My throat was hurting like anything.
Me: "Baby, look! I think my throat glands are swollen!
Tanveer: "That's just your double chin".

Scenario 3: I was two days overdue with Raffae.
Me: "I look like a whale!!! :-("
Tanveer: "No you don't! You look like a baby whale! :-P"
May I remind/tell you all that Raffae was a 9 pounds 3 ounces baby and I am barely 5'2" tall!

Some random updates

• My sister is reaching Toronto on Feb 9th! Yayyyyy!!!


• I've become addicted to food blogs!! Doesn't bode well for my resolution of "eating well/healthier and finally loosing the pregnancy weight"


• Raffae is just becoming too cute now that we can really communicate with him. He doesn't throw as much tantrums. Becoming very managable(!!). Those of you that know him know it is still a lot of work!


• I don't have anything definite, but recently I just feel like Zoya is making a lot of progress. She babbles lot more (probably because she doen't have the pacifier in her mouth! She strictly gets it at night), she is becoming more and more active. No new dance moves recently though.


• I so want that job I interviewed for!!! They are going to interview an internal applicant and then decide! I hate inernal applicants! I'm just trying to get my foot in the door, but this guy is alreay in! That is just not fair!


• Next month, we will be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary!!!! 9th!!!!


• I don't think I can finish reading "Shalimar the Clown". Too slow!


• I got a new laptop! I'll be downloading all the hindi/bangla songs I want on my iPod this weekend from questionable sites. I'm sure I'll be downloading some spyware too which would be driving Tanveer crazy! ;-)


• I am very hungry! Arthur (our intern) better be here with the lunch soon! ;-)

HR people are cruel

I interviewed for a job last Friday. I got really positive vibes from the 4 people that grilled me for 2.5 hours. I thought I'd definitley know something by today! The lady from HR just called me to update me about their position! Turns out, she had to reschedule someone else for the interview and wouldn't be able to make a final decision until next Friday (hopefully!)!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!! Next Friday is like 2 years away from today!!!!!!!! What am I going to do till then? Twiddle my thumb?! I need a short-term project....

Any suggestions?

I want my mommy ......

I hate being sick and I am sick! My throat hurts. I am completely exhausted. It took all my willpower to get out of bed this morning and drag myself to the shower. When drinking my morning coffee didn't help, I figured it's time I go to the doctor and find out what's wrong with me. Turns out, I have both ear and throat infection!!!!! Now I am all drugged up, waiting for Tanveer to bring me hot soup so I can have my soup and go to sleep and get some much needed zzzzs. I need some serious TLC from mommy. Maybe I'll call her up and get some TLC over the phone!! I also realized why Raffae calls out "mommy" every 10 seconds when he is sick! I'll try not to get too annoyed next time!

Help me!!!!

I'm gaining weight just by looking at these pictures! If I ever go to Philippine, I'm hooking up with Lori so she can take me to all these cool places!! Yummmmmmmm.......

Yipeeeeee

This just made my day! ;-)

De-Lurking Week

Hehehehehe! I hear through the grapevines that this is the de-lurking week and I know there are couple of you out there from my sitemeter report! So ..... fess up and leave a comment.

Thank you! ;-)

Ramblings on a dreary day

Eid Mubarak to you all. If you are on the east coast today, does your brain feel as foggy as the weather?! I had to drag myself out of the bed this morning. I felt like I was going to die. I had a splitting headache and my throat was hurting like it was no one's business! Feeling much better now after a long, hot shower and a big, yummy lunch! Here are some links that caught my eye in the last couple of days:

• Update on world's first face transplant recipient


• A Million Little Lies


• Found an interesting blog


• Another blog

Have fun!!

Update at 4:30: Just saw this article on MSNBC. Wonder if Oprah is going to say something about this!

Damn I am beautiful!!!!

I've finally fixed it! Here are my results from myheritage.com

   
I do look like Saif Ali Khan! Atleast in this picture! I wonder if I put in a different picture where my head is not tilted like his, would myheritage still think I look like Saif the most?! I guess if that means that I look like Sharmila Thakur, I'm ok with that!!!:-P

   
I think she is absolutely breath taking! I am glad myheritage thinks I look like her in some way!

   
Hmmm... I always complain about my eyes being slanted! Here's my proof finally!

   
Whoa!!! I think she is one of the most beautiful woman in India! I have been told by a guy who had a MAJOR crush on me since 4th grade, that I look just like Madhuri!! I ofcourse thought he was just making it up. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown away all the letters he used to write to me! Or read them out loud to my friends!!

   
Need I say more! Not sure why heritage thinks I look like her though!!

   
If this is how I am going to look when I age, then I want all the plastic surgery and botox and what not!!!!

   
I think my brain looks like his! ;-)

Other honorable mentions are Catherine Deneuve, Shirley Temple, Gwyneth Paltrow! I think there's a big flaw in their code somewhere, but I'm not complaining!

Zeenat 101

1. I am full of contradictions.
2. I've never broken any bones.
3. I was a sprinter at high school.
4. Lugging the kids around is pretty much all the exercise I get nowadays.
5. I've taught myself to cook.
6. I love cross-stich projects.
7. I sometimes think out loud.
8. I like watching chick flicks every once in a while.
9. I wish I didn't care about what other people think about me.
10. I don't have too many friends, but I do have some great friends.
11. I think of my father everyday.
12. I am an early-riser.
13. I can't swim or ride bicycles.
14. I feel dumb around some people.
15. Putting pineapples on pizza should be outlawed.
16. I never had a dollhouse. I still want one.
17. I want to grow my hair really long but never have the guts to.
18. I love dill pickles with my sandwich.
19. I want to learn knitting, crocheting from my mother.
20. I want to be physically fit without any effort on my part! ;-)
21. I read more than one book at a time.
22. I am a big Harry Potter fan.
23. Celebrities that I think are extremely sexy: Pierce Brosnan, Ralph Finnes, Bono, Heath Ledger, Ajay Devgan
24. I've never been to any casinos.
25. I love kissing my kids on their noses.
26. I cry watching movies/documentaries/news/talk shows.
27. I cried all night after 9/11.
28. Even though I respect their decision, I do not understand how someone can decide to not have any children.
29. I used to watch Young and the Restless regularly.
30. When I was in 4th grade, the boy who lived next door, showed me some porn images. I used to avoid him. We became good friends years later.
31. I look like my father.
32. I was a goody two shoes back in middle school.
33. Over a period of one year, I dated an american, two pakistanis and a bangladeshi guy.
34. I own more shoes than clothes.
35. I am not much of a chocolate or icecream person.
36. Tanveer proposed to me in a bookstore, without the ring. I accepted.
37. A lot of people don't know that I was married once before.
38. I am happy in my marriage.
39. I smile a lot.
40. I type properly on IMs with the right cases in the right places.
41. I can't save money to save my life.
42. I should have studied something other than Computer Science.
43. I am scared of roller coasters.
44. I sometimes feel like I am an unfit mother.
45. I can be very stubborn at times.
46. I am clean, but messy.
47. I hate houses that are always tidy.
48. I think Bono has the sexiest voice ever.
49. I can say one whole sentence in Spanish: El drive-through es para clientes solamente.
50. I love crossword puzzles.
51. I think my best feature is my skin.
52. I love chocolate cakes!!!!!!!
53. I admire successful, intelligent women.
54. I wouldn't mind living in Manhattan if I could afford a penthouse in the city.
55. I once stole a book.
56. I am a converted coffee drinker.
57. My mom had Eclampsia when she had me. She was unconcious for three days and wasn't aware of my existence until I was three days old!!!!!!!!
58. Some people say my sister and I look like twins. I disagree.
59. I came to US in 1992.
60. I am a beer girl. White Russian too.
61. I want to learn to cook all types of food.
62. I believe in karma.
63. I love good food.
64. I don't know how to put make up on.
65. I cook with recipe books in front of me.
66. I wear perfume all the time.
67. I want to live in Europe at some point in my life.
68. I think Snape will be redeemed in the last book.
69. I cringe when I hear my voice on the answering machine.
70. Even after 10 years, I sometimes still feel like an outsider when I get together with all my in-laws.
71. I don't think I'll ever wear a bikini.
72. I am very very temperature sensitive!
73. Rather than being good at a lot of things, I wish I were great in one thing.
74. I learnt to read when I was four.
75. I am a very patient teacher.
76. I hope my kids turn out to be very well behaved kids.
77. I got glasses when I was in 5th grade.
78. I am mistaken as Filipino, Indonesian, Latino and ofcourse Indian.
79. I want to drive a racing car someday.
80. I envy those who are always well groomed.
81. I stood fifth (among girls!! :-P) in HSC!
82. I am still scared shitless about natural childbirth.
83. I hardly ever swear.
84. I only got drunk once in my life. Even then I was able to drive two other passed out drunks home. So technically I probably wasn't drunk.
85. I have very small feet.
86. I love boardgames.
87. I used to have a Salma Hayek figure. Now I look like Homer Simpson. :-P
88. I would like to complete my Tintin collection this year and start on the Audrey Hepburn movie collection.
89. I have a cousin who had a huge crush on me for the longest time. I thought it was absolutely gross!
90. I hope and hope that the kids grow up as nice people.
91. I love wrapping gifts.
92. I can't wait to braid Zoya's hair.
93. I am anal about a lot of things. Other things, I couldn't care less.
94. I can not imagine what I would have done if we had lost Zoya.
95. I would have joined the "Mukti Bahini" if I were old enough in 1971.
96. I like driving stick shifts.
97. I have a high IQ, but most times you wouldn't know it.
98. Raffae is stronger than I am and he is 2 1/2!
99. I get embarassed by compliments.
100. I can't stand summer in Bangladesh anymore.
101. I am a good person.

Ten thousand blistering barnacles!!!!

Jellyfish! ... Tramps! .... Trog-lodytes! ... Toffeenoses! .... Toads! .... Baboons! ... Pockmarks!

Yeah! That's really how I felt last night! Mad as hell like the Captain! I saw Katie's post on myheritage and had to, had to do it for myself. I saved all the pics of the people that website said I look like and had a witty (!!) post all written up. Then when I published it, it showed up with a mile long white space in between the title and the post! Being the anal person I am, I could not just leave it as it is after trying for almost an hour to get behind the mystery of the white space! Anyone else had this problem? Any pointers for fixing it?

A to Z

"Tuklified" this from Rezwan. Got to his blog from Katie's recent post. Very interesting blog. Will have to read all the old posts this weekend!

• A - Age: 30+ :-P
  
• B - Busy-ness! : Those darn kids!
  
• C - Chore You Hate: Folding laundry!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• D - Daily Routine: wake up, try to wake Tanveer up, make coffee, get the kids ready, try to wake Tanveer up again, get myself ready, pull Tanveer down from the bed, drag tanveer to the bathroom, leave for work, work, come back home, eat, play with kids, get them ready for bed, watch a little tv or read a little, sleep. yeah I know! Boring life!
  
• E - Essential Make-Up Item: Deo, perfume, eye-liner and lipstick
  
• F - Fave pastime: reading, watching tv/movie. Would like to pick up knitting, sewing again.
  
• G - Gold or Silver: Whichever hubby feels like buying for me :-P
  
• H - Homeland: USA and Bangladesh.
  
• I - Instruments You Play: Harmonium!!!!!!!!!!
  
• J - Jinx: None
  
• K - Kids: Two. Son: Raffae 2 1/2 years old Daughter: Zoya 15 months old
  
• L - Living Arrangements: At home with hubby and two kids and soon to be joined by my mom! Yayyy!
  
• M - Marvels: My kids! Can't believe they grew up inside of me!
  
• N - Number of Women I have slept with: None!!! ;-)
  
• O - Obsession: the length of my hair.
  
• P - Phobia: None.
  
• Q - Quote You Like: Too many to mention here.
  
• R - Religious Affiliation: By birth Muslim.
  
• S - Siblings: 1 sister.
  
• T - Time You Wake Up: Whenever one of the kids wake up!
  
• U - Unique Habit: I always have to start cleaning a room from a corner!
  
• V - Vegetable You Refuse to Eat: None.
  
• W - Worst Habit: procrastination!
  
• X - X-Rays You've Had: Teeth
  
• Y - Yummy Food You Make: I make a mean beef curry!!!!!!!
  
• Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
  

My Marriage

My marriage has been taking the proverbial back seat for the last three years almost! We went through two pregnancies, new jobs, longer commutes, two moves, Zoya's surgeries, my father's death, my somewhat depression, and now the kids! We hardly have any time to spend with each other! We used to be called "joined at the hip", and now we barely get to do the things we used to enjoy together. Hopefully 2006 will be the year where we will get our acts together and take some of our life back from those adorable little pests! :-P

Any volunteers for babysitting??

Funny little guy

My friend Jill's four year old son Logan is hilarious!! When I say hilarious, I mean hilarious! He says the funniest things and delivers them like a pro!! Logan took a good look at his weewee the other day and was convinced his was broken! (He is circumcised). This is the conversation between Jill and Logan that followed this incident:

Logan: (screaming) mommy it's broken! Fix it!!
Jill: (Dying from all her effort to not laugh in front of Logan) It's ok Logan. It's not broken.
Logan: Is it going to grow back?

He was crying so hard that he was shaking. Then after Jill told him it would indeed grow back he whimpered his little "oookkaaayy"

A typical guy in the making if you ask me!!!!!!!!

Then, yesterday, he went to see Santa. Jill asked him later what he asked for. He said, "I asked santa for an umbrella but he didnt give me one!"

Watch out Chris Rock! Your days are numbered!

The Oprah Show

After Zoya's surgery, I was very very depressed. Then when I lost my father, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I was very upset, depressed, sad, angry at the unfairness of life. I had watched this episode of Oprah show one day when I was home. Seeing Carolyn on the show, what she had been through and to see how upbeat she still was, how strong she was, made me think twice about myself. I felt so small compared to her. Here I am drowning in my sorrow, when there are so many others with bigger problems in their lives, yet at the same time in full control of their lives! I started watching Oprah show to remind me from other peoples lives that I still have a lot more to be thankful for and maybe I can do something to help these people who really need help. Before, I'd watch something on tv, or read about something and think I need to do something for them. But soon, I would have moved on to other stories or another webpage forgetting all about the misery of women in Ethiopia suffering from Fistula. I usually don't make new year's resolution. But this year, I'm thinking I'm going to change/start some things in my life. One of them is volunteering at the Shady Grove Hospital. I hardly have any time with a full-time job and two kids. But if I can go for two hours over the weekend, I think it would make me feel a lot better than sitting on the couch and watching tv would do.

Post Secret at Terps Territory!

Scroll down to the email section!! :-D

Go Terps!!

My acvievements this year (so far!)

There's still some breath left in this year you know! ;-) Anyways, as I was reading Simika's recent post, I started thinking what did I do this year. I was mostly coming up with failures/haphazard attempts. So just like Simika, I think I need a disclaimer first!!

Disclaimer: I deny doing anything wrong. No pet has been injured in this process. Plants are a differnt story. Please don't try this at home.

• Taught Raffae shapes, letters, numbers, names of things, some manners(!).


• Taught Zoya to play peekabo, clap.


• Started cooking regularly again.


• Finally lost some of that pregnancy weight.


• Started this blog.


• Started watching Oprah regularly.


• Started to read again.


• Kept Tanveer off of rice for almost two weeks! Now that's an achievement if I may say so myself! ;-)


• Kept myself somewhat sane.

Am I forgetting anything?

Zoya

She is the drama queen. She drops down on the floor and cries if Raffae gets the milk bottle before she does! She pulls Raffae's hair whenever he passes by her royal throne (the highchair). As soon as a show is over on tv and the credentials come up, she takes her pacifier out of her mouth, looks at us and goes "uh!". That means, put the next dvd/tape in right NOW! She looks at me out of the corner of her eyes whenever she sees the fridge door open and then lunges for the ketchup bottle which is kept on one of the shelves on the fridge door. I can stare at her all day long. Her eyes, her smile, her cheeks, her little feet, her toes, her hair. I can't believe sometimes that she is my little girl, that she grew up inside of me. How can I create something so perfect!

Slates's Pictures of the Day

Now this is something you don't see everyday!! :-)

Forbes Fictional 15 Richest Character

Interesting read!! Thanks to Billie for sending this link my way.